I know I've been updating way too frequently these days. Damn exciting life.
So these past few years I've always been the one, To pull pranks on others and copy pastes our chat logs here.
To shame them, To make fun of them, To laugh at them when others laugh at them.
And they goes, "Lan, Be Damned!"
Until tonight,
I met my match.
Known to me as the Vietnamese maid who loves giving her victims the infamous: "Vietnam Pinch of Howling"
-.-
I'll introduce to you now.
This is Noorun Daeng Afiekiat
Like most maids in Singapore Fiekiat loves to go out when she's off duty.
Only that she's slightly more modernized as she wears her made-of-cupboard-painted-white hat and burnt aluminum foil as stockings.
As you can see on her hands, Are bangles she robbed off the elderly in the lift near her house.
Well Fiekiat was on the way to a lift in Simei, To prey upon the elderly there.
And because of her loud singing of "God is a girl techno remix" as she waits in front of the lift,
A German going-to-be-policeman caught her and decided to warm up a little for police activities.
Noticing the "sexy" facial expression and "The Killers" logo on his shirt. Fiekiat decided it's best to just give him her MSN contact, Knock a fellow cyclist of his bike, Stole it, And cycled all the way home, With a face so freaked out.
Thus, Grand Theft Auto was introduced to Playstation.
Ah fuck.
Behold now, Chat logs of not victims, But ME getting punk'd.
But it started off with my pathetic attempt to punk'd her, And failed miserably.
(Yeah Fareha, laugh at me all you want now)
-.-
Then it came. And I cummed.
Well literally.
It's okay, Vietnamese maids are known for their desperado character.
She went offline while I rushed to do a poem. Make it, my not-so-good poem.
Vietnamese forehead are just fun to slap, Because they will shout out things like
"OMAKKO CHACHATT"
Which means
"Ow"
Nice.
It's been two years being a single parent to my Siamese cat.
I am now, Like all typical bloggers who blogs about their life will say.
I'm officially attached.
But unlike all typical bloggers.
I will include my facial expression too.
There.
In A Little While, U2 feat. Brandon Flowers
This ain't a post for the broken hearted, Lon Zovi
Whenever I had nothing to talk about I always had something to think about Even when I appear to be asleep Even when I'm all over the field for kicks I'm having thoughts so sick
In just 2 weeks' time
Should you need me the most, Will I be able to be by your side comforting you? When it's late and you're going offline Do you mind if I can't somersault too?
As the day gets nearer, As everyone starts sharing me their experiences for me to hear I admit I'm terribly shaking in fear Knowing one day I won't be spending all the time here
It's worrying, Oh I worry all too much Foolishly imagining how it would be like when I'm in there Foolishly believing what might happen if time I couldn't spare
I can't just walk into the academy like this Not with a mind so unprepared It's at this point of time Where I need you so bad Or maybe, I'm just too scared
Hold my shivering hand tightly honey, Cause' I'm scared
Clouds barricades, of what could be a beautiful sunrise His skin can't take, the scorches from high Yet they made comfort, with his sweater blanketing their eyes As he whispered without a sound,
"It's alright honey, it's worth the while."
Not as much as the chilling breeze, Not as much as the soothing crashes of sea, When they lied down with him caressing her hair With her having him like a mini-bed, Nothing was as much as being so close to one another
Even if you were not pretending, I would have still strum and sing To play for you lullabies Falling into dreams where emotions fly
I wish too, that there shall come no end That this will not stop, when I leave turning from boy to man Give me your hand, hold me tight I need it so much, To go through all of this and still be at your side I need our might
To think I'm having fever, coughs, runny nose and throat pain just after the day I got a bite from west side mosquitoes gets me a little paranoid.
Since it's pretty swollen at where I got bitten, I thought I might be getting deng-- heck let's not think too much.
I'll take it as if west side mosquitoes are just unprofessional enough to leave evidences on where they've been.
Ah fuck, let's try to avoid anything related to police.
So two days ago, for the first time I went to Pasir Ris poly. For the first time I had a girl accompanying me, except for mom.
"kimekk pathetic siott"
It's okay lah, The place was pretty empty and it didn't take long for me to get in the room, And showing my vanilla chest and back to the doctor.
But mind you, the doc was bloody irritating. I've got a friend waiting outside and there she goes talking about my hair, And health (still okay ah), And education.
She was nagging on how I look better with short hair -> wtf About exercising often before going to NS and said football is nothing But 3/4 of the time she was talking about my hair and how it literally sucks to her point of view.
Then when I came to collect my meds, The counters there made a mistake somewhat and called me Singh.
Which got fiks laughing and literally rolling from chair to chair.
Not to mention the wait was pretty long too. Pasir ris polyclinic hates me at first sight. :/
And we bumped to one of my band mate two times in a row. Ah, the bond between us.
Walked around aimlessly, sat down scolding birds for being noisy and finally going home.
It was a great afternoon though.
At least the trauma of me being called a Singh disappeared pretty much.
*facepalms and sighs*
That night, it really got to me. My fever became so bad that I was forever dizzy each time I pulled my head up. And fiks invited me to join them going "Escape" the next day because she had free tickets for it.
Tsk. Why do my sickness always comes at the wrong time.
I got fever before my secondary school band SYF concert years back, I was asthmatic on my final NAPFA test in ITE, passed and fainted I got sore throat when I'm going to learn a new song.
Choosy like fuck sia my illness.
As usual, I somersaulted to bed and had a good sleep after praying I'll recover by tomorrow. My mind was totally filled with people telling me to
But I didn't. I sort of overdose myself with panadols to keep the heat away as I force myself to get my ass walking down the streets. It's not everytime I'll get opportunities like this and moreover, My days are numbered.
So I went off to whitesands to meet the twins and Shahid.
Bearing with all the dizziness and all sort of shits, I really had fun in there with them.
I almost vomited in the Viking ship. But mind over body ftw!
:D
We tried all sort of rides but the inverter, I think Freaks me out like fuck.
To be hanging upside down and the only thing between me and death is the "body-holder" It got me totally paranoid. But I was still noisy like fuck anyway.
Especially japanese fucks, where the girl kept crying and screaming all sort of shit. Okay what the fuck.
After escape, fie had to went off for her bbq. Left fiks shahid and me, And we went off to the water breaker at pasir ris beach.
We spent almost 7 hours hanging around there, Sitting and lying down and a few times accidentally dozed off. And we talked all sort of shits.
Like why Loch Ness monster is the reason why sea levels sometimes subside. -.-
But whatever happened that night. It was great if not the best feeling I ever had. When we lied down by the sea looking out for shooting stars When we dozed off waiting like a fisherman with an unwanted bait Who would have thought, in a little while, we've made it so far? It was at that moment I felt typical, To wish time stops so we'll never separate
Down to the ocean, it's only water and sand and in the ocean we'll hold hands
Sorry for my outburst last night.
I was really pissed at everything. Including nothing. But everything happens for a reason. So if nothing is a reason how could everything happens.
What I'm trying to say is.
Hello people.
So yeah went out with my sick wallet today. Had below 20 bucks.
Tsk.
Yes you can laugh at me for not getting any starbucks.
*waits for awhile*
Done?
Oh fuck why am I talking in gibberish.
I'm getting the hang of traveling to the far reaches of Singapore. The West Side.
The mystery of the Force can only be discovered if you take the path of the westside.
Heck.
What I'm trying to say is.
I JUST KNOW ONE OF MY BANDMATE IS A STAR WARS FAN WHO KEEPS A JEDI ROBE IN HOUSE.
Ok fuck.
Let's just get over with this shit.
I went to Choa Chu Kang and Yew Tee today. Met B1 at Pasir Ris and took a bus to Khatib to meet the other twin, B2.
B2: Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1? B1: I think I am B2! Both Bs: IT'S CHOA CHU KANG TIME!
So onwards Alan White and his two bananas met the uber-hot-RnB-singer, Arteta.
Yes, the very person who played football for Argentina(I think so), retired and had a sex change and spend all her life eating satays and performing.
Alan White, B1, B2 and Arteta began their journey to meet tRoy and Siak ah Heed. Went to eat at Lot 1's food culture and onwards to Arteta condom.
I meant condominium. But in this post I will refer it to condom as a shortcut.
Arteta parents bought condom!
Spent the whole afternoon sitting there singing and talking about stuffs like
Justice League Marvel Teletubbies Power Rangers and how Dragonzord looks like a retard because of it's arms Digimon Anime (YEAH WTF) Star Wars End of the world
Yeah like that.
We didn't did much except for lying on the beach chairs infront of the reflective pool.
While I enjoy the view of the sky.
Then we started to fall out.
B2 and Siak Ah Heed marched past. B1, Alan and tRoy marched past. The others, I don't know.
So I took 39 where people saw a box of pantene falling on a concrete boulder, And turns the boulder red.
After coming back from the gig in scape youth park with friends,
I didn't get any sleep till 5am.
Then I had to wake up at 6am to attend a football match representing my club which starts at 9am.
At the bloody farrer park. Farrer? Fuck?
I met naz first at my house in 7am, go over to reza's at 8am and take a bus there that goes straight to this fucking farrer park.
So I spent a bloody 1 hour in a fucking cold bus all the way from Tampines to Farrer Park near little india mrt station.
I shivered like hell inside. :/
So I reached and got to know the opponent's team cancelled the match last minute.
For fuck's sake, I came all over from Simei only to know some cowardly team cancelled their match last minute?
Pissed I was. Very.
But I did changed and played training match with my club.
And I was clearly fucking off-form, even when playing for just 25 minutes. For just 25 minutes, I looked like as if I've got chased by dogs from Simei all the way to Pasir Ris.
To make things worse, I only got to tackle successfully only ONCE in that 25 minutes. All the other time I was not in my right mind.
So after the match I was bloody exhausted, guess I can't do morning matches. Or perhaps I just lack of rest. And again I still have this injury to bear with.
Went to Tekka mall to eat something, then went home.
I should have slept. But my pillows and bolster covers was in the washing machine at the time.
So yeah, I had to stay awake all the way till now. I tried lying down on the floor but I shivered again.
Of course to those who knew me, I'm not in the best mood when I'm restless and sleepy like fuck.
Still they come to me on MSN, which clearly they should be expecting short replies from me. I can talk like per normal, just not at best.
But for fucks sake someone people just have their egos flying all over, EVEN when I said I'm still good and smiling they just turn their back on me because what? I failed to entertain them at the first few paragraphs?
What bullshit.
I gave a few short lines. They find it's not like me. They fucking ASSUMED that I'm not interested to talk to them. Then when I said I'm all alright and stuff. They just pushed me off with a BYE and hoping to get me feeling guilty?
ALL FOR THE FUCKING REASON I CAN'T ENTERTAIN THEM?
MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT
AND WHAT? I SPOIL PEOPLE MOOD NOW BECAUSE I DON'T GO
"AHAHA TODAY I SAW A CAT HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER CAT AHAHA"?
WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE
JUST WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pissed, but at least I tried to be kind and not telling people off like that. But if I'm that bad, what are you when you said you're not in the mood because I spoilt it?
Spoil it because I only give 1-3 words answers.
WTF
Heck fuck all this.
I'll get a proper update sooner or later.
I'm just all so fucking pissed like an Alonsosaurus taking a piss out of his anus.
One of my favourite MSN contacts, Had gone into deep depression due to stress in studies.
In fact she was so stressed up, I became the target for her I'll-turn-you-on activities.
Now people. This is Fafa, also known as Sheryfea.
And I present to you now, Our latest chat logs.
Bloody horny siamese, Can you just leave me alone and have orgasm getting your hair braided with your special someone..
That aside.
I love Siamese cats.
I really do.
My cat is a Siamese.
So I went over to wikipedia and read about Siamese.
Interesting to know there are modern and traditional Siamese.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, Here.
This, is a modern Siamese.
This, is a traditional Siamese.
Now to those who have saw my Siamese cat before, That previous pic is not really "Yaya".
I know, I'm very shocked too when I saw that picture. For fucks sake it really look like Yaya's Twin. And if that bloody Siamese is a male, I'm really gonna find it and get it to sex Yaya immediately and have more twins.
Come on, you can't deny it.
Bloody hell.
If I were to post a picture of my cat doing that exact same pose of the other Siamese. No one can differentiate which is Yaya.
No one I say.
I think the only way to differ is to look at Yaya's tail, which is much thinner somewhat.
Sometimes I just hate my brother. He would just stand up at random moments.
Now I'm eating donuts with him looking straight at me but covered with boxer. You know who I'm talking about.
Heck why am I even blogging about this.
Anyway, last night I had a strange happening.
I'm not as bothered with it as I did last night after it happened though. Well.
I went to the kitchen to make a cup of nescafe gold. And I realise the sugar packets are finishing so I called up to my mom telling her about that. She's in the living room btw.
Then she told me that she'll get em sugars tomorrow morning when she goes NTUC.
Out of the sudden, I suddenly felt so devastated and upset About something I'm not quite sure what it was. And I could have sworn my tears almost came out.
So after I finished making my nes I began to stride out of the kitchen, When my mom suddenly came in with a sad face telling me she lost her hp in the bus.
But my mind was too filled up with that sudden depression thingy and I continue making my way to my room and think about it.
I asked around for help, Some said its mere coincidence, Some said its premonitions Some said it's just family bonds
Do remember it's my first time have such encounter, And I'm never really close with my family.
I'm back to update on all the big events that I wanted to post but apparently time was not there for me.
But again, I have not that much time either, So I'll just let the photos and vids do the talking.
And now, I'll do just that.
Against my own mood, My apologies is I fail to satisfy.
Mel Fraps, Sheesha Outing at Arab Street
This is Mel Fraps
Excluding Khai, they went for sheesha to so-called celebrate their first performance.
The plan was only 5 of us going, Which includes me, khid, roy, zhar and dayah.
But somehow khid brought his twin chicks, bloody pimp And somehow Sam came with his friend which is pretty shocking.
Heck, from 5 people become 9 people.
We ended up getting two sheeshas and playing police and thief via cards. Fun but it's irritating cause you have to stare at everyone.
I'm at the disadvantage, Staring at a girl for over 10 seconds will make me fall for her.
Tsk.
Furthermore, you don't know what it's like to be playing that kind of game, When there are twins around. Seriously, it's darn difficult.
Now the pics.
Khid and Roy
Zhar playing "Predator"
Khid
Tsk, them again.
Photoshopped
Little Couple
Spot the difference
Dayah, Fifa 2008 and Fika
Fifa sideburn and Roy
Mr Police and Mr Fireman
Clones, Khid and Roy AGAIN
Don't know what to write
Another photoshopped picture
I'm the fairest
I'm the tallest
Next topic.
iRandom and Company, Pulau Ubin Adventure
First of all, I'm not one that will make time for cycling trips For joggings at morning or nights Or even taking a boat somewhere and walk around sightseeing
But when was the last time you did something for the first time, Yes?
I've already told Pariapa I will come, So heck let's just get with it.
I don't know if I should call it tiring or what, Cause it seems like I don't feel that tired As much as my sweat proves otherwise.
To sum it all up, We met the others, also known the strangers here, at Changi and took a boat there.
Then we got ourself bicycles and cycle around sight seeing, Which is pretty fun since it's been a long time since I last cycled.
I told pariapa I wanted to take roller blades earlier.
But, Thank God I didn't.
We also climbed hills to see a magnificent view on the top of the cliff, Which really is my first time.
But I dare not look below that much, Phobia of heights really makes my balls reduced to a size of popcorn chicken.
Now.
Pictures.
The knows-nothing-about-adventure group
In the boat where me and pariapa gets seasick
Fiza, Fareha and Apa ah nama dia
The picture of many captions
"HIIII CHARLIEEEE!"
Excited Singaporeans
They knew we are coming, they just knew
The act-cuters
Briefing
Well umm..
The best place to hair-dry
I don't know what I'm doing either
Now, I have taken a video during the hike up the hill.
The video is pretty shaky due to some muscles problems I had during the trip
Enjoy, The tired look of everyone.
My apologies if you can't understand some words I'd say because of my Deustch accent.
The Hike, Intro
The Hike, End
Some pics while we're at the top.
If only I'm braver, I would have hang upside down at the cliff like batman and camwhore
She can't get up by herself cause of the fear getting to her, heh
Chris Brown in Ubin
Cristiano Gigido
He's bringing back sexyback
Going town or Ubin? Beats me.
WTF
:)
Lastly,
Lan who has high metabolism rate
Fiza B'day, Sheesha and Saboteurs
Heh
Lan says: "Wanna suck it baby?"
You ain't getting my magic penis!
Special guest appearance
Typical
Act cute vs Act cool
Abang Sapau
Nescafe O + Sheesha = High
One of the many hundred pics of them
Yeah
Pale
Our b'day girl
Look at where the sheesha is coming from
Naz must have really shocked me
I will keep on sucking and sucking till I sucked alot
It sure looks so wrong
This too
Best birthday cake ever
Let's start observing Fiza legs
Still crooked
Still is..
Whyyyyy?
I also don't know
Ahh thank god
The goodbye
And the goodbye shot
That's all for today.
I'm all worn out now for posting that number of pics. Credits to my PC who didn't lag on me, And my wonderful desktop
