Mood: Calm :)

Hello mates.


I was too broken for quite sometime before,
What I feared the most eventually came slamming me right in the face.

But I did what I could and calmed myself down,
At least for this while.

So yeah heavy emotions aside,
Now for the updates.

Let's start this off with a smile.






There.


So yeah,
National Service in the Police Academy.

Well I still stand by the fact that NS fucked my life up.
Somehow it end up fucking my life up inside there too.

If I were to story-tell everything here it'll be boring as fuck.
So if you want to know, there's always MSN.
Available on Fri-Sun.
Heh.

As a sneak preview,
I collapsed just after my 2.4km run.
Wanna know more?

Msn.
:)


Aside from NS,
I've been going through a lot.
Yet I'll still have belief in the saying;
"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"


You'll always hold a special place in my heart,
Not for just being the one who made my childhood dream came true after all these years,
But for leading me through the best love life I ever had.
And I can never thank you enough for that.

It was very difficult for me knowing that I had to go when you were facing problems
Problems that messed your mind up real bad
Problems that ache your heart so bad.
I did my best to maintain contact with you and to be there for you when I was in camp,
But I never did enough.
Not being able to be by your side to console you and helping you clear your mind up,
It's really hard for me to see you being so messed up and not being able to do anything about it.

I admit I was very dumbfounded when you had to call it off last night.
It was too sudden, too difficult to take.
But I'll have faith in you that this will hopefully end your confusion
And be free of the torment life has been putting you in.

I just want you to know.
I'll never hate you for whatever you have done.
I'm still here for you even when the whole world is against you.
I know what you have been going through,
It was never your fault.
Destiny was just unfair towards you.

I believe we're pre-destined.
I really do.

Perhaps when I finally passed out of camp,
We might end up being together again.
Who knows what fate brings.
You said it before,
That if we're meant for each other,
We will get back on track in times to come.

There might be people who blamed you for whatever that happened.
But they don't know you the way I do,
They don't know what you have been going through.
As long you are happy with your life,
I don't have any problems with that.

24th will always be a special date to me
Remembering back on how we used to be
Slapping your forehead, getting pinched by you
Those memories are just good to have

Now have fun with your life,
Be yourself without faking happiness the way you have been doing.
Come to me when you need someone to talk to,
I'm always happy to be the one you'll turn to.
No matter problems, or plain bullshits.

You are of importance to my life,
I hope I can be yours too.

Take good care of yourself, Hun.







:)


Keep the faith,
Lan

The Booking In

I will talk about what's life in Home Team Academy serving my NS,
When everything's finally fine and my mind cleared up.

I hope it'll be as soon as possible, perhaps on my next book out.

My apologies to those wanting to know.


So tomorrow will be first official book-in.
It's a pity I haven't been getting enough rest.
I'll get more later.

And there's still some important things I have to buy to bring in to camp,
Tsk.


Mein Honig,

I'm really sorry if I haven't been much of a help to your problems.
And not being able to really show how much you're being missed.
I hope you're recovering well from this setback,
Remember that I'll always have faith you'll do the right things.

I might be piling with pressure and all in camp,
Both mentally and physically.
But I will never neglect my commitments.
Especially my commitment to you.

It was right for you to finally explain to me your problems,
I'm really pleased and I hope it made you feel a lot better too.
Don't worry about me, I'll do fine.
Basically 4 days a week, should be chicken feed when compared to my ten previously.

Take good care of yourself and be strong,
I love you hun.


Alamak must stop smoking again siaaa,
Lan

Guess who's back?

Yeah,
Bookout.

The ones every bunkmates of mine looks forward to,
So they can get home and get well deserved rests.
Or meet up their special ones whatsoever.

To be honest,
I'm really worn out both mentally and physically right now.
But heck let's get on with some NS shits.

So in general,
It's a fucking torture.
It might be pretty enjoyable at times though.

And I don't think I really cared much about going botak on the first day.
Sure I froze up in front of the mirror,
But I think I'm getting along well with it.

It's the problems that puts me off.

Lessons especially,
I know I would have enjoyed them when my mind's is just cool and such.
They're interesting, I must say.
Cause' I find myself wanting to know more and more,
Like my interests is slowly rising.

Yet the more I learn,
The more stressful I get.

Keeping secrets is just not me,
But I have no choice now, I'm forced to do it.
Well yeah, that plays a big part of the stress syndrome.

Physicals,
We were so called "tekan" for the first week,
But we're getting used to it and starting to enjoy it bit by bit,
Believing it will benefits us.

I wish I can talk more about all this,
But maybe my mind is just too tired to think.
I wrote the latter part actually, but just backspaced them all.
I just don't feel like talking more perhaps.
Maybe just whatever wandering in my mind now.


Well.
It struck me once just before I went in.
Got through those 10 days that most of the torture came not from NS,
But outside.
To actually hold on like this, it's something I never did before.
And when it closes to the day of bookout.

I felt confident I can finally be yours again.

But it didn't happen.
It struck me again now.

Right now, I'm in the highest state of confusion I've ever gotten into.
I don't know what's going on.
I don't know what I should be doing.
And I don't know what I'm even thinking.

I still yet to understand why is it so difficult.
What is it you're so confused about.
Or perhaps afraid about.

When I saw you the first time after my bookout.
I was refraining hard from over-reacting and end up running towards you like some K-9 Dog.
And walked slowly with a smile on the face and finally hugged.

I really miss you alot.
I really love you alot.


But I'm still forcing myself hard to understand what is it that's keeping you from feeling the way I do,
When whatever you did begs to differ?

Maybe I need some rest.
Hopefully I will get some.

Tsk.

Come on you bloody policeman.
Be mindful of your thoughts,
And don't focus on the negatives.

*pinch side, and slaps own forehead*


If I have a choice;

Fiks, don't do this to me.
Again.

Farewell

Hello.

It's currently 1.42am on July 8th and I haven't get any sleep since last two nights.

And it's like 7 more hours to enlistment.

:'(

Now this post ain't another fully emotional one.

A video of it shall speak it all.


For my close friends.
For Mel Fraps.

And for you Afiqah.






So yeah.

To Naz,

I'll hope you'll continue being strong with the support of your dearest darls.
And get over this problem soon enough.

It sucks knowing I can do hardly anything to help. And I'll miss having your company thonning in my room talking about shits and playing games.


To Fareha,

You were there during my great and worst times.
You were there simply to cheer me up even if you kept failing because of my stubbornness.

You are a great friend to me, really. And I thank you for the "suprise".
Naz depends on you, help him and you'll strengthen the relationship too.


To Fafa,

I've said this to you time and time before, but probably in different phrases.
You are unarguably the best entertainer I'm having on my MSN.

You did to cheered me up when I was down,
But failed almost everytime since probably you won't know what kind of console I need.

I'll miss talking to you on MSN alot.


To Fiks,

I can't still accept the fact that I'll be gone very soon,
Into camp, into ten days of not meeting up
I'll miss the pinches that makes my voice sounds cartoon
And how I kept irritating you while you tried shutting me up

I'll be lying if I said I don't worry about you
Knowing the madness and confusion your mind is tolerating
When the 10th day comes, leaving me through
You are the first I want to meet, and makes your heart sings

Hold on just a little while longer,
And believe the days will pass by faster,
This is just another test, not a torture
It'll help us in getting stronger

I've always want to be that near-perfect boyfriend
To you, knowing the love you really deserves
All I need is your strength to not let this end
In time, I'll show that I'll keep getting better for you, love.


Fiks.
Last night,
Even though it didn't really went according to plan.
I really felt so much better,
My breath felt so much easier
And my steps sounded so much lighter.

I'll miss you a lot.
Hold me tight when I got booked out.
I'll really need it so very much.

I love you.


I really do.



To everyone else,
SLN will be going without updates for awhile.
Whoever my readers are, hope you'll understand.

Thanks.
I'll see you guys again soon.


Your Friendly Neighbourhood Policeman,
Lan

Please don't

I could have sworn whatever is between us both is the purest feeling I've felt yet.
We had so many first times together, and they said first times are the hardest to forget.

We are going so well together, why take the risk?
Why not wait, letting me show you that I'm really the one for you?

I've said the exact same thing about you being the perfect fit, only in different words.
Even though we've only known for two months, and him for almost two years.

Does it really makes a big difference considering we've already clicked so much?
And you once said you're closer to me than you are to him.

You still want to take the risk?

Even when my time's up and I went in.

I've already prepared spare handphone battery,
Mobile battery charger
So that I can still be with you every night.
Not physically, but I'll still be there to entertain you.

10 days honey, just ten.
Then I could go over slapping your forehead,
And you pinching my sides.
I'll strum the guitar and sing songs I made for you.
As we sat by the sea.

Then,
In 7 days of a week,
4 days I would be in,
3 days I'm out.

It's isn't that bad.
I'm not in army for crying out loud.

We'll get used to this.
And by then I'll get posted.
And we would have more time together.

Maybe even every night if I'm in the neighbourhood police.

You're schooling in poly too,
The only days you're really free is on weekends.
The days I am too.

There are people out there who is in a much worser case than us.
I have a friend who's attached to someone overseas, and pretty far too.
They get along well, for a year plus.
Only met once or twice.

I apologise if I'm stressing you out.
But think,
Look at the bigger picture,
The mind have no limits,
So don't limit your thoughts.

I know I'm being too repetitive,
But be strong.
Stay committed to me as I will to you.

If we can get over this,
Our love will only get stronger.


Now love,
Give yourself time,
At least 3 weeks or better a month.
Observe how everything is working out.

If you felt you rushed when you committed yourself to me,
Don't make the same mistake again.

Don't rush to actions.



I have faith in you hun,
To do the right things.

Now all I need is you to prove it.
I love you, Fieks.

28th BBQ Pit, possibly my last update

Hello people.

My apologies for my terrible mood swings.

And you read it right,
This could my last entry on blogspot.

I'm figuring out how to tame livejournal,
Possibly carrying blog posts over there.

But I will still come here often,
To check on tagboards.

Besides, I can't just delete SLN just like that.
Oh yeah, memories.

Even should I stay with blogspot, I'm going inactive as soon as I get to NS.
So yeah.

Now let's start on the topic.

Lan's BBQ Pit, 28th June 2008.


Introducing,


Naz the Sapau-rian



Fareha the Forever-Hungry



Fizah the Sepet-Like-Cina



Mat the Blur-Cock



Frez the Sex-Maniac



Reza the Celaka-Monster



The organiser himself,

Lan the No-Bad-Name-Suits-Him



In loving memories of,

Fiks the Vietnamese-BBQ-Expert



Well yeah,
Fiks left off quite early after following us in the car to get our rations.

And she happened to left before we went photo-crazy.
Which is why I had to use another photo of her.
Which doesn't look bad enough.
Which is a pity.

Well she did played her part helping me to light the charcoals.
Thanks hun.

Oh before I forgot.

Featuring Mr Tin Man




Well yeah.
Let's get on with the pictures.


Looking busy, NOT!



Sexmaniac Sex-tertaining girls



Naz and Paria warming up the fan



Oh fuck I'm hungry again



Erm



Ahhh...



Tampines Item



Supervising Mat as he pitch the tent



Taking a break from supervising



Observe, the sexmaniac "I'm too cute for you" pose



The awakening of Aslan



Hunks from Germany, Bangladesh, Amsterdam, Maya and uhh, another Bangladesh



Guess this is my first ever cheeky smile I'm putting on net



Trust me,
As soon as the girls left,
We guys just got crazier.

Proofs.


Mat started on his WTF Project



Lan came and shouted "WTF?"



Reza tried to mind his own business



WTF? again



WTF!



Whoever took this shot, I must say it's a nice one



Naz made his so-called sambal goreng. Still "WTF?" to me.



Behold now,
As the sun shines into our tent,
Awakening everyone.
Lighting up their minds.

Overflowing with ideas.

Stupid,
Ideas.


The making of Tin Man



The completing of Tin Man



The accomplice of Tin Man a.k.a Fann Wong



The invasion of Tin Man



The evolution of Tin Man, "WEAPONS OF MASSS DESTRUCTIONNN, BE SUMMONEDDD!"



There you go, one angry tongs-wielding Tin Man



Fann Wong morphed into....WTF?




There you go.
I must say I had quite a great time at the bbq.

A pity fiks didn't stayed over,
There was a clear sunrise back then.

:/

So yeah about my livejournal.

My LJ

A pity it doesn't have tagboards.

So yeah I'll still see you around here.
Maybe fancying an update if I'm free like fuck.

It's been a great time here.
I'll miss logging into the blogger dashboard with my photobucket on the next tab.

Heh.

So I guess this is it.


"I know, I look like a pervert in there."

:)


See Ya Around Mates,
Lan

...

Fuck you TP
Fuck you SP
Fuck you RP
Fuck you NYP
Fuck you NP

It's because of all these stupid Polytechnics administration that I'm in this kind of shits.
To put off one of the best students in class with a GPA of 3.8.
And accepting someone as low as 2.8.
To even disregard my appeals.

How stupid can these administration systems be?
To push off what could be the best student in YOUR class?

Fuck that NS deferment system too.

I was happily accepted into MDIS to take my private diploma,
With my parents paying for me, trusting me to make good use of the cash.

And what?

Polytechnic: Deferment up to 20 years old
Private Dip: Deferment up to 18 years old

What the fuck?

For a diploma that only takes not even a year, I need to be younger than poly dip which takes a whole 3 fucking years?

Even if I'm fucking lucky to get police.

THIS FUCKING EDUCATION SYSTEM IN SINGAPORE PUT ME INTO SHITS

IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS I WAS MADE TO TORTURE TO THIS.


I'm having the best time of my life.
Just before enlisting in NS.

Oh and,

I've lost it again.

From the train, to the sheesha, to another brand new adventure

The BBQ pit was a success.

The stressful days of planning and organizing finally came to an end.

Even though the girls didn't get to stay overnight,
And fiks going off early.
I guess I still enjoyed myself.

But that's not what this post is about,
I will save the pictures with letters tagging along on the next post.

:)

Here it is,
1st of July 2008

Officially the first week-aversary between Mr Deustch and Ms Vietnamese.
Pathetic for me to be happy that it's gone only for a week yet.
Oh well.

On the downside,
I have exactly one week left before my NS.

Heh.

When I thought I'm all ready to turn my back towards my freedom,
Towards my commitments,
And onwards to Police Academy.

Sometimes I can't help but imagine the negatives and worst-to-be-happens.

Yes.
I guess I'm terribly worried.

10 days staying in camp.
Without msn.
Without going out with next chill in my pocket.
Without The Strokes tee and my favourite jeans.

It's really worrying.

The closest moments I can have with you is via text messages,
Or voice-to-voice.

10 days without slapping your forehead.
10 days without you pinching my sides.


Wah sian leh like this walao.
One day no meet already miss like siao boliao.
Somemore 10 days arh?
Hua sibei jialat sia


And then came the second-of-importance.

My,
Almost-a-year-old
Curly
Wurly
Hehe-ly

Hair.

:'(

I will miss that irritating fringe which will sometimes poke my eyeball.
That lion look when the wind blows in my face.

My european hair.
All gone.

I will be going for an haircut either today or wednesday.
So to ready myself,
Well sort of.

It's been too long since I had short hair.
I really wonder if I'll look like and idiot with it.

Ahh let's just keep it simple.

FUCKING NATIONAL SERVICE
WHO CARES I'M LUCKY TO GET POLICE OR WHATEVER FUCK
I AM GOING THROUGH THE BEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE
AND YOU NS FUCKING SCREW IT LIKE BLACK NIGGA DOING BEYBLADE-STYLE ON A WOMAN

Tsk.

I wonder if I would go crazy in there.
I wonder if I would faint each time I walk pass a mirror.
I wonder if I'll attempt a prison break stunt to see my version of Sara.

Kimekk fiks, faf, and far.
10 days cannot talk cock on msn!

KNNCCBBLJNNB

I will terribly miss somersaulting with fiks to sleep.

I will really miss talking in caps with faf to everything under the sun.

I will totally miss debating about everything no matter how unimportant with far.

My most missed list:

Noor Afiqah
Sharifah Muafah
Fareha Azwa
Mel Fraps
Yaya the Siamese cat
Mom and co.
Nazri
Fareez
Muhammad
Reza
Nur
Hafizah Y
Desktop and Internet
Ps2
Next Chills
Bon Jovi Mug
iPod
N6300
Strokes tees
Killers tee
Nirvana tee
Jeans
Khakis
Kaki atas meja computer
Running out of my room from flying roaches
My mattress
Two head pillows
One bolster
Wet dreams (It's been too long)
Singing in the shower

(Might be more but might be forgotten so tell me so I might include in my mighty blog)


:(
:/
-.-
:x
=(
=/
=.=
=x

Ah,
Fuck ah.

I need you ah hun,
Sad liao.


Your boyfriend is Mr Policeman-to-be,
Seargeant Az the White