Say "Meow!"

You remembered I said something about my dearest cat having to take my nonsense when no one's around?

This is what I meant.

Oh and it's 90% malay.

It's all ciggies and caffeine mate

Hello suckers.

Today I'll be taking over SLN for yet another special entry.
From the special one.


Lanny the Arrogant Buddy.

And I know damn well you guys missed me so much that you can't even bear to tell me that.

And with my greater logics even by the most logical person you ever met,
I assume you're dying to know about my special life since well,
The life you guys are living now just sucks Penguin's ass.

Oh wait I shouldn't assume should I?
I'm just too true to begin with.

Fuck those assumptions.
You guys sucks ass,
And you know you can't deny it.

Now let me recap what special things I did in these past few days.


One of them was being a captain to some lousy football team.

These suckers depended on me to come up with tactics only someone special like me can put up.



I should have known it's a waste of time to discuss tactics with these idiots.
For we have eventually lost the game.

The real reason?
They can't understand my superb tactics and screwed up badly.

And no one dared to actually take a step near me knowing how good I am at tackling.
They took long shots and scores for their team, eventually winning.

Heck.

If you still do not believe about how dangerous I am.




I have an easy job just standing there, sending chills to the opponents spine.
To even try dribbling near me will shatter their courage into piece.

Lol.
Just plain Lol.

And because of their lack of understanding towards my one-in-a-world tactics,
They were so depressed at their sucky IQ and came together to buy me a meal as an apology.

They should.
They really should.



They too planned to build a statue of me in high regards by first taking a picture of me to begin with.



I eventually heard them saying things like,

"We shall honor this Special One by making a statue of him in every towns Singapore has, with 'The One and Only Master of Tactics' carved on a rock beside it"


Not suprising though.
Everyone at one time will see my importance and decides to honor me.

Everyone.


Of course a statue don't actually meant anything.
Since everyone should already know by now, who is the Special One to ever walk on planet Earth.

Well I shouldn't talk that much about my special life anyway.
Some people are just trying too hard to be like me and fails miserably.

Because they sucks.

I'll be good once in awhile to decrease the number of people getting mental disorders because of their high respect for me.
Their one and always Special One.

I shall take my leave now and shall waste no time talking about things you suckers probably will never understand.

Goodbye moronic suckers,
Lanny the Arrogant Buddy

I shake my head to say, Everything's just great *thumbs up*

I think my problems made me a rather mean, arrogant, and emotional person.

Each time I talked with someone over msn, they seems to be affected by my words.
And with this too, the ever-so-annoying-about-beenest-hair exploded right infront of,

Her computer.

Witness,

Azwasaurus digivolved to Azwaboobasaur





I invited Naz in hopefully to cure this madness.




She's still unstoppable even with Fiza's pinky text.




And the result of these terrorizing eruption?



Cik Lah Lah dah Blah sia.


Of course it was scary at first.

I can imagine her growing all green and stuff and her bra size going Z cup.

PMS is a very bad thing.
I think I hate the color red now.

But of course like always she cooled down pretty fast.

And when I looked back at the event.

It's fucking hilarious,
I don't know why.

It's just,
Funny.


Well I don't have much to talk about really.

I've been rather busy with my band sessions and tarzan-ing in my room to iTunes.
Spraying fucking roaches that somehow increases their number lately in my kitchen.

Bloody niggas.
When I spray you can you just lie down and die instead of running around and dropping everywhere.

You make me look like a victim of psychopath running around the kitchen.

Fucking roaches,
Hope you idiots get extinct soon.

Oh anyway a reminder.

3rd may at Home Club Clarke Quay,
15 bands inclusive of first-timer Mel Fraps will be performing in the event that lasts from 1-10pm.

MF will be performing at 5.30pm.

Tickets are sold at 12 bucks inclusive of A free drink, do contact me if interested.


So yeah went out with ayam to starbucks,
She bought Caramel Frappucino which is considered a support to Mel Fraps.

So if you guys gonna support us.
Go to your local starbucks today.

Anyway to close this entry.
I present you.

My bragging rights.





I can't do Santeria mannn,
Lan

Why aren't you shaking, Sit back inside.

Hello.

I think I have this very influential personality.
It has been proven in most cases that those who mixed too much with me.

Becomes me.

Proof #1 - Fareha

By far, she was the best extreme makeover I worked with.

Not just about how she slimmed down so much due to laughing the fats out each time we hung out,
But the way she talks.

Like this for an example.

Project Azwasaurus, The Beginning
December 2006





Project Azwasaurus, The Present
March 2008




And yesterday afternoon, she introduced a new way of masturbation for me.
Holding the cupboard's handle above me while wanking.

For fucks sake,
I don't fall down while wanking that I need to have MRT-like handles above me to hold on to.

Bad bad pariapa.


Proof #2 - Workplace

This might be the first time I'm talking about the history of how I got into Airport throwing bags for money.

And while doing it,
My influential aura worked again with my close friends.

At first I was intro'ed to the work by Naz and Frez,
But both quitted as soon as I join due to laziness and perhaps school.

It takes less than 3 months.
You heard me fucking right, less than 3 months.

To get them coming back to work, alongside my 3 other mates.
Mat, Reza and Nur.

Then came my friend's brother and his friend who also want to work with me.
And mind you I never actually talked to his brother before.

And now that I've quitted,
Look at who I brought with me.

Naz and Reza.
And the other 3 is most likely to quit in a month.

Why?
Because the influence has left.

I left.


Proof #3 - The Arabian Siamese


She speaks a great many things.
The closest to pervertic thing she ever mentioned was "kicking man balls"

And what happened when she met me?
The influence dips into her mind and spread like a plague.

It's still minor for now.
Oh and I have pictures for this too.


Before




And After





From a person who warned me to watch my words when conversing,
She talked about her bras and letting men draw her in their imagination,
Wearing bras.


Yes people.
It's called Influence.


Proof #4 - Fall of Innocence


Yes.
The most decent iRandomer of us all.

Becomes the afflicted.

Other than our usual cb, knn, wtf.
She never spoke out anything towards sexual body parts.
She never even referred to it.

And for the first time ever when talking to me.




That's about it.

And I would like to take this opportunity to guide others on what position I'm standing at.

I know sometimes I dirty talk a little too much.
I know sometimes I make horny expressions.
But it was all in fun's name.

I wanted my friends to be happy.
To laugh at my stupid actions.

I don't consider myself a pervert.
I'm just too open-minded and speaks honesty as a man.

I really feel I'm what they need to find out the hidden secrets of men.

And for fucks sake,
I don't even go clubbing to grope girls ass or wipe their butt with my flamingo and getting turned on.

For fucks sake,
I pathetically apologised to girls I accidentally bumped when skanking for the first time.

For fucks sake,
I don't mean what I usually say.

You know me well,
You'll understand I meant well.

I'm seriously tired of people who said things like I'm too dangerous to hang out with,
I have a pervertic face,
I would hump my cat to satisfy my sex desire.

I understand that the way I talk things out, it almost take no effort
To class me as a pervertic idiot.

But listen, all you people.
I've said this before,
And I'll repeat this.

I'm not born with one side.

I'm not born with one side.


So please,
Get to know this "pervert" better and you'll understand the complex built of,

Alan White.



That's all I wanted to say about myself.

Oh wait.

I want to talk about friends.


To my iRandom mates.

Everyone of us seems to having problems these days.
Maybe it's just our bad luck streak that'll run out soon.

I thought my rejection from poly was bad enough a blow to me.
But then came that NS letter which welcomes me to join the "Batons & Pistol Blues Squad".

Which to me is a blessing.

Unlike army, police usually don't require that much of tough training schedules that might turn my skin into ashes.
Burnt in the sun while marching.

Yes people.

From this,




To this,




(That brown thingy supposed to be my near-bald head but my art always sucks ass)


So cheer up people,
Everything is just blessings in disguise.


Talking about NS,
I have about 3 months left till I go in.
Which then I will have short hair for 2 years.

I fucking love my hair.
Even though people said it looks like their pubic hair.
Which strikes horror in me knowing their pubic hair is like mine.

Surely everyone will be horrified wouldn't they?

So in this short 3 months.

All I want is to be in the company of my friends.
And seeing them going well and happy before I leave them.

If I can, I wanna spend everyday with them.
And crap with them in every way possible.

For when I'm gone to Choa Chu Kang.

I will miss them the most.
More than I'll miss my hair.


From boy to man,
Lan

Mel Fraps first performance, 3rd may at home club

3rd May, Homeclub in Clarke Quay.

15 bands including first timer Mel Fraps will be performing in the minutes of 1pm-10pm.

Tickets are at 12 bucks each, probably a little more expensive when buying em at the door.

Do come and support me and my bandmates as we play a few originals and covers including hits from The Strokes and The Killers.

And it might be the last time you see me with messy long hair before I leave for my National Service.

For more information, don't hesitate to ask on my taggy or add me up at MSN: nescafe88@hotmail.com.

See you guys there.

*insert smiley face here*,
Julan Casablancaz

I'm not born with one side for fucks sake.

Then again, it won't be nice saying that.

Does it?

Punk'd: Fareha's Birthday Suprise

They depended one me for the planning.

So I did.

And heck it worked better than I thought.

I even have the videos on it.

So as a start I shall show it to you.


Punk'd Intro



Punk'd First Half



Punk'd Second Half



Punk'd End




If you're wondering what's up with Fiza shouting and walking away,
I accidentally threw a potato chip at her instead of Fareha.

So if you saw the videos and had no idea what I'm talking about,
See below.

The plan was simple.

Again it was the iRandom at work,
Me, Naz, Fiza and bdaymama Fareha.

Me and Fiza told Fareha a day before that we won't be able to celebrate her birthday together,
Since each of us have other plans,
Yes, other plans indeed.

All of this was done to minimize the probability of suspicion on the suprise.

So then came that day

When I and Naz were searching for her birthday cake and some starbucks for drinks,
I received a call from an unknown number.

Turned out it was Fareha's schoolmates.

Suprisingly they knew about my plan and asked Fiza for my number.

Great, just what I needed.
More deadly suprises.

We met at Fareha's void-deck,
The iRandom with Bday cake and Starbucks.
The RP-ians with balloons, potato chips and soft drinks.

Naz followed the plan and becomes the bait,
He's supposingly going out with Fareha so we had to use him.

We waited as Naz comes out with Fareha, covering her eyes.

And there we go.

Suprises.

Heh.

I've told you before, Mrs Wawakins.
All your attempts to Punk'd me,
I will only Punk'd you back in the end.

And much worser.

You bring me 4 people on my birthday suprise.

I brought about 10 on yours.

You bring me 10 and I'll bring 300 half naked Spartans.

Ok crap.

So we also so-called sabotage her with cake slapping on her face.

So to end the wonderful evening,

We went to Pasir Ris park and had fun at the playground there.

I'm glad to see people of my age still have that heart of child like me.


Now, my friend.
I know I didn't tried to cheer you up when you were the night before that day.
I know everyone did except me.

I had faith in my plan that it'll cheer up,
Maybe more than you needed.
So that's the reason why I save it.

We could never probably understand the loss you feel for your late dad.
We could never probably understand what it's like to have your sibling living in a different house.

But whatever you feel,
You can depend on us to make you feel better.
We will be there for you, sadness we'd shield
Friends, are forever.

Thank you everyone who participated in today's event.
Nazri, Hafizah, and Fareha's classmates.

It would not have happened if it's not for you guys.

And lastly.


Fareha Azwa,
You just got PUNK'D!

Possibly the end of bad streak, and suprises.

Rejection from all polytechnics even with a high GPA of 3.8.
Not getting a direct 2nd year intake to higher nitec even with my GPA is more than applicable.
Didn't get to study in MDIS due to my age restriction of deferment for private diploma.

Sounds simple ain't it.

You would never have guessed the trouble all that caused me.
The amount of stress I had to bear with till today.

Well sort of.

Before I continue,
I wanted to show what stress can do to you.

And how harmful this so-called stress is.

For someone like me,
I get hyperactive and crazy when stress consumes me.

That it will affects others around me.

I must be that exile and Knights of the Old Republic 2. (star wars game ftw)


Now observe, the stressed Lan so few had came to see.


Lan kicks Frez while "skanking" - I love this one.





Lan the retarded, Naz the breakdancer-wannabe, and Frez the relaxed.
Learning how to skank.




Before I continue to the main topic,
Me, Naz, Frez and Mat attended Fareha's bro wedding preparation.

Helping out washing the dishes and such.

Well, sort of.

It was pretty fun nonetheless, coming at about 10pm and staying overnight till 9am.

For owls like us with the exception of Fareha and Fiza (sibuk2 come to sleep at fareha's house),
It was just another daily workout.


And since I'll be using pictures as proof in future *hint hint*
I dare say that I'm the most hardworking of all.

Okay I kid.

Oh yeah, pictures.



Lanny playing boats using cups.



Samsui Man Upsized.



Naz doing his Mocca ad of selling farmer hat.



Frez with his.



*Lan breaks down trying to come up with a title for this*



And we even came up with a stupid video regarding future training for NSmen. *hints again*



Now if you do get my hints.

I have received my enlistment letter for NS.

And amazingly, I got into the Police Force.

Yes people.
You might just see me wandering around in uniform playing cowboy with a gun.

You might just see me coming to you when you're playing football under a void-deck.

"Get the fuck off here you fucking public nuisance else I'll shoot you in your fucking face."

So my enlistment date will be in July.
This is your last chance to hang out with me if you ever wanted it.
This is your last chance to play with my hair before I go botak.

Oh fuck.
I'm going to be a Martian soon.


I just hope my 3-months DMT will feels very short.
Get posted to neighbourhood police in Simei.
Get a driving license.
Doing drive-bys shooting dogs.

Oh heck yeah, I can imagine it now.

*Partner drives as Lan target practices on dogs, cockroaches, and bright skinny jeans kids*

But if I were to put that Mas Selamat incident into consideration.
Police sucks ass.

I've seen people getting superbly frustated at standbys and such because of that fucker.
Maybe I'll get to feel what they feel.
Maybe I'll encounter Mas Selamat one day.
And shoot him in his head.

Then every man will come together and build a statue of me pointing a gun.
While doing a twist with another hand.

"This statue is a tribute to a great hero in Simei, Muhammad Azlan the White."


So umm yeah.



Even if TP gonna accept my appeal or such.
No doubt I'm still going to enlist myself for NS.

Police is once in a blue moon opportunity for NS.

Anyway I haven't get any sleep since 7pm yesterday,
Still going for the wedding ceremony of Fareha's bro-who-called-me-si-putih.

Heh.

So see ya soon with a gun in hand,
Lan

This ain't a love song

Today,
I will separate my menu into two sections.

Section A, which involves you might probably know.

Or Section B,
School, Deferment and Crap.

For Section A,
I have separated it in another website.

Click Here

For Section B,
Scroll down.


To start off.
I love how the way Fareha's brother describes me.

(3:02 AM) Oh Goblins.:	abg aku tak abes2 igt ko matair aku.. chet

(3:03 AM) Oh Goblins.:	"siapa kawan ko yg nak defer NS? matair ko eh? si putih? yg tgk simei eh.."

When translated it means.

"Brother mine not finish2 think you eyewater me.. chet"
"who friend you the one want defer NS? eyewater you eh? that whitie? that lives in simei eh.."

This line: " that whitie?"

AHAHAHAHAHA

Omg pariapa I love your bro.

Anyway as I said yesterday,
That I will provide photos of the shopping trip yesterday.

Here it is


The iRandom At Macdonalds




Fiza left-parts, Lan right-parts (Our hair idiots)




Without Cik Azwa





Just Married





Peha Ayam In The Middle






Went out with Mel Fraps just now,
A little unusual though for this session.

All the way to Yishun.

But it felt fucking great.
Almost completed our first official song with more flavour inserted.


Coming To A Gig Near You (Without Hid and Khai)






On my way home









Now.

School.

*insert sad face here*

So if you guys already read about me applying for MDIS in previous post.

I just knew what the initials represents.

Min Def Is Sucky.

Why, you ask?

See I've already got my one-way ticket to MDIS,
They are more than ready to accept me.

And on that day, I haven't had any sleep since that yesterday,
When I almost fell to sleep,

Came the MDIS call.

I shall skip the rest of the conversations and concentrate on one.

"You need to go to MINDEF and get a deferment for our course first."

So with a bad day start,
I met Fareha, Naz and Reza at Paya Lebar,
The sexual escort, chaffeur and driver respectively.

We went to that CMPB building.

Firstly, the customer service sucks Giganotosaurus ass.
My queue number skip so many times that those who haven't even warm their seats went to the counters first.

Fuck the service.

Then, I can't defer for MINDEF because according to the government.
THE GOVERNMENT - Yes the clever people of Singapore.

For private diploma - No more deferment after reaching 18 years of age.

For polytechnic - No more deferment after reaching 20 years of age.

For the readers - Ask yourself which takes longer to complete.

I spend only a year for MDIS.
I spend 3 years if I get to poly somewhat.

This rule is from the same government who wanted Rambos in National Service as soon as they can.

Avram Grant must be one of the important people here.


So of course I didn't get to MDIS.

My plan now is to get to higher nitec, as a backup.

Meaning when I'm in higher nitec,
I will apply Temasek Poly again on it's october intake.

If I get in, I'll quit Higher Nitec and get my ass to where I belong.

The reason is simple.

Should I graduate with higher nitec,
I will be 20 by then and can't go to poly.

So I have to make use of my age.
No matter how good I am doing in higher nitec.


THEN CAME ANOTHER PROBLEM.

I applied for IT in Tampines ITE later on.
Almost everyone in the administration office were fucking shocked to learn a 3.8 pointer didn't make it to poly.

IT course didn't had any slots but a teacher there whom I appreciate very much for her approach to my problem,
Told me she will contact the Campus Manager to appeal for my acceptance.

On that day too I received an admission letter from Simei ITE saying I'm accepted but I can't fill the form and send it since my parents were not at home.
Sucks ass.

Anyway yesterday morning I received a call from both ITE.

ITE Simei telling me to come down there to apply for IT course there since they like me,
And because I think Tamps ITE told them I had no place there.

ITE Tamps telling me the above.

So I had to make my trip to ITE Simei later.

This better be worth it.

And TP yet to reply to my appeal.
I will seriously cry in joy should they accept me. (:



I Must Get Over This Fucking Stress,
Lan

Eh hi. *waves*

Fuck.

Now I don't wanna get whiny in this entry too,
But if I were to reach to that extent.

Oh fuck don't mind me.

So let me start with the disgusting topic first.

Oh wait, it should come a little later.
But it shall be in the first section.

Yes.
I shall have two sections for today's entry.

The Disgusting.
The Whining.


Now,
The Pre-Disgusting.

So I met Fareha and Azwa, I mean Nazri at Simei for a lunch at Banquet.

Then onwards!

SHOPPPPINGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!


So yeah.

Bought two skinny jeans,
Bought two "The Strokes" tees, one white and another black.
Bought another "Nirvana" shirt to replace the one in my cupboard since it shrinked too much.

I'm in need of band tees anyway.

So currently I should be having,

The Killers
The Strokes
The Strokes
Nirvana

I will never understand myself wearing a Nirvana tee.
I'm a teenager with big dreams.

Dreams that involves me running through the crowd wearing band tee to get a signature from the respective bands.
By the lead singer.

The Killers: Running through the crowd stabbing securities, getting to Brandon Flowers and ask him to sign on my Killers tee. Earn it at minimum of 3 kills.

The Strokes: Scaring strokes patients and watch them falls down holding their lungs or whatsoever, while getting to Julian Casablancas and let him sign on my Strokes tee.

Nirvana: Umm.. Well.. Put some jossticks infront of his picture in the night while placing my Nirvana tee beside, and check every morning to see if Kurt Cobain's signature is on it.


So to quote a line from Smells Like Nescafe blog.

"I will never understand myself wearing a Nirvana tee."

Anyway on a side-note,
I bought two boxers.

Green Day and smiley face boxers.

Don't ask me on how I'm gonna get a signature on it though.

It's too...

Personal.

Heck why would you guys bother anyway.


SO.

LA.

TI.

DO.



SO.

I shall skipped whatever happened next since it's a little too boring.
All I can say is Fizah joined us after we left for bugis where we pratically did nothing.

But we take lots of pictures though.

Pictures up when I'm free!


Now here's the disgusting part.

So after Fiza and Fareha going home.

And me taking a short rest home.

Me and Naz decides to meet Reza and Frez,
Well they're having double-date with two girls.

One a stranger to Reza.
Two, strangers to Frez.

So.
Foolishly I came.

If I knew what were to happen,
I would have stayed home chatting with the FF.

a.k.a. Fareha Fafa
a.k.a. Fafareha
a.k.a. Fafa Azwa
a.k.a. Fareha Muafah

Cool juga nama itu.

So umm.


We came.
Saw them 4 people talking to their own friend instead of date.

and wtf.
PLAIN WTF.

They kept looking at each other then laughs.

So it's like.

Girl 1 looks at frez.
Girl 1 & 2 laughs.
Girl 2 looks at reza.
Girl 2 & 1 laughs.

They even laugh when they see me and Naz.

Fucking bloody idiots.

I don't communicate by hahaha language.
You don't come to me pointing at my face and laughs and thinks you did a great job communicating with me because you continued laughing as if I understand why you started laughing.

Idiot.

So fuh fah blah bluh pok pok atok keropok.

We played truth or dare.

And they changed it to so called "dare or dare"

We were playing with 6 of us.

Me, newcomer=Anuar, Fareez, Reza, The Laughers.

They all get the easiest of tasks.

Push ups, kissing cheeks (no opposite sex kissing unfortunately), and singing.
Oh and dancing.

Since they can't come out with good things to torture the victim,
I had to come out with plans for them.

I've been a great help haven't I?

BUT WHY

WHY THE FUCK

THEY MAKE ME

LICK ANUAR'S SWEATY NECK

KISS ANUAR'S LIPS (but i cheated by kissing his beard)


"LICK ANUAR'S SWEATY NECK"

You will never truly feels it.

Straight away after contact.

I ran behind a pillar and vomited,
Came back with teary eyes.

And kept spitting out while smoking lots of cigarettes.

Oh fuck,
That's the worst dare I ever encounter.

AND FUCK
WHY DO THE GIRLS GET THE EASIEST OF THINGS.

Letting a guy kiss their hand as a punishment?

WHAT THE FUCK.

Anyway my punishments.

Kiss Fareez cheek.
Kiss Anuar lips.
LICK ANUAR NECK OMGOMGOMGWTFOMGOMG

Ok.

I don't want to talk anymore.

*spits out*

Oh and by the way.

Today marks the first day of my siamese, Yaya, fight.

She was walking about by the window grille.

Fell down outside.

And the cat outside happens to be a mat/minah rep version of cat that goes something like.

"Eh lu asl sia terpranjat kan gua, tk puas ati ke pe, sini ah sia kalao berani."

I never knew it was my own sweetie kitty.

I almost fell off my chair in my room when I heard a sudden cat roar.
Or whatever it's called.

I rushed to the living room to see my Sister rushing out to the outside.

Open the gate and my cat quickly ran back in.

Stupid Yaya.
You haven't complete your Jedi Arts training and yet you fight.

Lucky it was accidental.
Or I'll strip you from the Force.
Yayakin Skywalker.

So umm..


YEAH.

The Whiny Part.


So umm SP rejected me.
Yeah but I didn't feel it as strong as that day.

I applied for MDIS 2 days past.
Got an email and call by them stating that I have to go MINDEF to enquire bout my NS enlistment and deferment.
Since I'm already accepted and ready to apply.

So the timetable goes like.

Full Time: 2pm-5pm (Mon-Fri) (8 months)
Part Time: 7pm-10pm (2 or 3 days a week) (12 months/ 1 year bodo)

Honestly, I don't know which to take.

The reason why I still prefer poly to MDIS is because of it's 3 years of avoiding NS.

But oh well, life's unfair.

And TP still haven't bloody reply me.

Should I take part time and have 1 year of schooling, maybe with more working adults.
Or should I take full time and have 8 months, perhaps with more students like my age.

I don't know.

But I know one thing.

NS MAKES LIFE HARD FOR ALL MEN.

Damn damn damn damn.

Now I need to go MINDEF and do all this shit so I can start schooling.

Fuck.


Private Diplomat,
Lan