Pull the trigger

I stood at the corridor outside,
Leaning on the parapet,
Smoking out thoughts I can't forget,
Flipping through my lyrics' notepad

A phrase was written there,
Not in my writing,
"This is about a girl",
Though you never completed it

Lyrics of "Womanizer",
When I was stressed up memorizing them in the train ride
I eventually pissed you off,
Yet you gave me a hug,
I left my stress alone and closed the book,
Letting my thoughts drift away in that warmth

Few pages more flipped,
6th June BBQ Pit,
Stating the food that we ordered,
Flip it again,
Your "I miss you" message,
Who knows that's the last while we dated

Who knows the last was a hand-shake

Throwing my cigarette butt off the parapet,
I entered my home,
Staring at the table,
The first time you came,
I remembered Twister Meal and two honey biscuits,
With your Mr Bean drink on my table.

I turned around and shook my head,
Only to see that little space beside the sofa,
Where you and I sat down and played with my cat,
Giggling like children each time she gets high.

I looked away,
Blinking my eyes out of this memories,
Looking at the sofa,
Reminiscing back when we're both singing to some songs with the microphone.

I can't stand it anymore,
Rushing to my room,
Messing my hair out of frustration,
But it'll only get worse

I stoned at the doorway,
That empty computer seat,
Where you would always be browsing through my iTunes,
Or plainly surfing the net,
With my guitar leaning onto the wall beside it,
Reminding me that it's not normal for me to learn Flyleaf's Cassie,

But I was just trying to impress you on the next phone call.

I switched off my desktop and turned behind,
Only to remember us sitting and leaning on my cupboard while teasing one another

I took another deep breath,
Taking out another cigarette on my computer desk,
And sat at my mattress as I light it up.

Remembering how we used to cuddle around on it,
Poking one another,
These distractions never ends,
Finishing my puff,
I wanted a rest,
And I lied down.

I shut my eyes as tightly as I could,
Trying to forget, trying to protect,


I can't,
It was too overwhelming

I can almost feel you just lying beside,
Waiting for me to turn and let our eyes drown into one another

I got up and grabbed another stick,
Sat on my computer chair,
And here I am,
Writing back about the previous 3 hours or so.

All of these is breaking me,
Inside out,
I can't stay on like this,

I just need to get out.


I just,

Need some rest.

No,

A lot of rest.






I should have listened to you faf,
But I was too stubborn,
Too full of myself.

I'm sorry.


Dear Nat,

I hope you'll live a life full of happiness from this day onwards,
Full of smiles and laughters.
You have shown me there's still beautiful things in life I never thought existed.
And for that,
I thank you.

Should there be another guy,
I hope he'll take good care of you,
And shows you that brightside you deserves.


As for me.

I just need a lot of rest now.



Lan