The Last Straw

The First time you left,
When I was but someone whose mysteries still uncovered,
Someone who was still wholesomely himself,
Arrogant and annoying, with a little bit of warmth that was longing to show itself

Strange on how I think about it now,
When we barely knew each other yet I gained so much trust in you,
So much hope,
I'd forget the world just to remember you

I can't blame it on our distance,
Because someone before you proved that untrue,
I can't blame it on your looks,
Because none I knew has really complimented you so much as they did to my ex-girlfriends,
Nor can I blame it on love at first sight,
For reasons you'll hate me for putting it here

Chemistry; as I've always spoke this word to you,
Conversations can never get bored and there's always something somewhere,
For you to go "SNAP-ing" all about,
It got me too close to you for comfort

You left eventually one day, without a single word,
It had me in a panic-shock, walking by our meet-up place at every opportunity,
You disappeared too suddenly,
Every second that ticks, I was praying hard,
That none of the scenarios in my mind were true

I got through you finally one day,
That strongest sense of relief I've ever felt,
Though until now, I'd still have doubts on the reasons you gave,
It doesn't matter back then, it's all about you still in my life

Then came that infamous phrase I wasn't expecting to hear,
"Can we just be friends?", came your voice over the phone,
It just struck me down too hard,
Both of us shed uncontrollable tears

The next thing I know,
You were already back to your "ex" boyfriend,
Even knowing how wrong it was for me to stay,
Somehow I had the feeling, it's me you really need

All I ever cared about then, was making you happy,
Making you smile again while your tears dries up,
Taking you to the brightest side of life,
Coming up with words of wisdom to strengthen every parts of you

I remembered while we were on the escalator in ION Orchard,
How you muttered that you understand how it felt in making people smile again,
Did you know it was one of the best phrases that ever came out from you?
That extreme warm sensation I felt circulating my blood

There was more than just chemistry then,
The strong emotions attached kept me from giving up,
Until the day you finally let go of your troubled past,
I took a step forward a little way too early

Coming up with a list of potentials,
Defining my character as the one you seemed to really need,
You set my hopes multiplying uncontrollably,
To the extent my paranoia followed suit

Budget pass office, the same place I first talked to you on the phone,
You named a man that was never in your list,
Stole your heart with clever humor and intriguing randomness,
That was the real start,
You saw the act of my paranoia at its worst

You felt too caged up, You felt I was trying too hard in desperation,
I kept pushing your mind hard for answers,
Getting too paranoid at tiny issues,
Leading you no longer to the bright side,
But to the end of the cliff

So it happened again, finding out you had to leave me for another,
Understanding too late that I was the cause of everything,
But still you forgave me,
Believing in my doubts that something is just not right in between you two

The day came when I brought you to someone who had the answers,
How the three of us gathered enough strength to get everything out from his mouth,
While I was relieved, I too was afraid to see you break in my view,
Yet I have to do what it takes to set your future bright again

Another era ended, and it took us some time,
Till you accepted me by your side again.

My life starts to have a meaning to it then,
All the days spent with you were some of the most special days I lived for,
Cuddling around, blowing on each other's tummy, roaring with laughter,
I was so much in love with you then

I wanted you to feel how special you are to me,
Browsing through the top most romantic restaurants to bring you on your special day,
Trying to come up with suprises that I hope will get you wanting more,
I'd sacrifice anything just to keep you here

You showed me more warmth,
You showed me more tender loving care,
Giving me the signs that you're starting to have faith in me,
That it's gonna affect you in everything I'm doing for myself

When you got all roughed up because my poly applications didn't go through as I planned it to be,
When you kept pestering me to appeal and even accompanying me to the respective polys,
How you got so mad because I drank,
And all the things I have to go through in my life,
You gave me so much reassurance that I would do it well

Yet I was blind.

I went back against my own words,
Or maybe worse.

How I've neglected you when you're watching me on webcam while I paid attention to games instead,
Even when you're on the phone I'd still yelling gibberish while playing.

How forceful I became to get things the way I want them to be.

Even though I managed to reduce the jealousy from the way it was before,
The negatives were still winning.

They were right,
I've changed.

I let me ego get the best of me again,
I let my paranoia blind me from your love again.

Perhaps,

That was the last straw.

And I've realised it all too late again.

I'm just too disgusted with myself now.


I beg your forgiveness, dearest love.




I'd forget the world just to remember you,
Lan