Smells Like Nescafe

After the 333rd post of blogger

2010-11-27T01:23:00.002+08:00

I know this came a little too late,
But whotf cares anyway.

Due to the empty promises from blogger over improved interface,
And more bullshits.

As such,
I made a switch to the now-well-known-world of tumblr.

Smells Like Nescafe Tumblr

Till the day I actually found some nerves coming back here again,
Here's something for all you beloved readers from me.

2010-11-21T23:03:00.003+08:00

I can only hope you don't see me as desperate everytime it's you that I text,
It's you that I'm asking out.

Fact is; I'm lacking of some easy-going friends I could just text and we'll meet an hour or two later.

Life on a downturn ever since some fucking NS bullshits starts peddling with my life.

And I just fucking need to chill.

An optimist always keeps their pessimist side in his heart

2010-11-20T03:00:00.002+08:00

Sometimes,

You wish you know exactly what the person talking to you, thinks about you.
You wish that when she denies all your suspicions, she's keeping it for a suprise.
You wish Matt Parker of Heroes will sit beside you, and whispers to you what the girl thinks about every statements you make.

You wish her bullshits are indeed, bullshits.
You wish when you said something special, she'll see you as special.
You wish she trusts you in not just repairing her life, but brighten her every day life.
You wish when you say something nice, she'll believe its genuine no matter how many has faked her into it.

You wish when you flirt with her, she'll stop that stereotype that guys flirt with all the girls,
You wish that whenever you sing, she'll start singing along even when she don't even know the first line of the lyrics.
You wish that whenever you joke, she knows it actually meant "I like you", and you felt good joking all the time cause you indirectly confessed to her each time and she smiles.

You wish that she somehow understands why you are waiting, no matter how tired, no matter what our moods, no matter how short it will be.
You wish she knew that it'll make our day.

I wish,

I have a cold, strong heart.

Rather than this soft one always filling my life with false hopes.

You read it right,
This is yet another emotions-filled post.

Fuck me hard, eh life?
Lan

Back to blog

2010-11-04T21:32:00.002+08:00

I realised something whenever I wanted to log-in my blogger account,

Figuring what to blog next using my fucked-up random part of my brain.

I lost that very blogging touch.

It's difficult to find the cause of this "murder",

But I have already two main suspects in mind.

National Service for one.

Now now,

Don't give me bullshits that NS changes a boy to a man,

That is just a taboo them government made up to cover the main reason of wasting your time,

And to give parents something to smile at having their kids taken from them for some time.

So why would NS be a reason for this murder then you ask?

Too many depressions,

Too many mental torture,

Too many getting shouted and screamed at,

Banging your own head against the cupboard next to you every time you're falling off your bed.

My cabinet is on the left of me,

That explains why I still have my logics and vastly reduced amount of creativity bubbles in my brain.

Even I myself,

Find my recent blog posts rather boring and too much emotional outcome flaring out of every posts.

So un-entertaining that when I start reading my pre-NS posts,

I just want that blogger as my blogging advisor.

The second suspected reason goes to..

*Tabla-rolls*

Muka Buku.

For the step-speaking ones,

Facebook.

To put the reasons simply,

They made this one clever move that might just kill all the bloggers in the world.

Instead of Friendster's "Post a shout-out"

Or Myspace's "What do you want to share?"

Facebook simply put "What's on your mind?"

That alone had this amazing psychological effect on normal people like us,

A Jedi Mind Trick of the real world.

So what if you don't have anything you wanna shout out loud on friendster?

(Which to be honest the "going-green" modification looks downright stupid to say the least)

So what if there's something you don't feel like sharing but it's killing your heart and mind like a parasite on MySpace?

Much to your pleasure,

There's just a place people like yourself can find shelter at.

And the more you uses it,

The more you feel like using it more,

To the extent you don't give a fuck about people telling you some thing like

"For fucks sake stop flooding my live feed about your dad teaching your 3-year old puppy blow jobs."

You might be a pretty girl with colorful braces, having a private profile, having all the guys adding you up to "see" more of you.

Yes I'm one of those typical guys who did this adding-prettyheads-to-see-more-pics.

But if she's updating her wall each time she takes a breath.

I'll just delete her off and resist the urge of updating my wall with a post of how annoyed I was.

What is more annoying is when I clicked like on their status,

And them asking me "Why you like?"

That's when I'll click unlike and act as if nothing happen.

Most of the times if I answer their question,

What used to be about me liking their status,

Will automatically enter "chat room style" and 5 more people debating whether pigs can actually hop on their spring-like tails.

So how did Facebook affect my blogging-creativity?

There are too many reasons actually,

But I'll list a part of em nonetheless.

Reason 1: Wall update becomes a chat room

I find myself having my MSN messenger always on standby-mode, but I find myself not actually using it.

Heck, on average, I only got approached via MSN like 3 times a day.

And since more and more people join in the "chat room", why bother going through all the trouble adding peeps up on MSN?

As a result,

Lack of stupid MSN chat logs to post here, difficult to poke fun at people I make a fool of.

Reason 2: What's on my mind?

If you wanna blog something,

Of course you gotta think of it first.

And when you actually think of it,

Your mouse cursor automatically reaches out to your Facebook Icon.

Instead of long posts like these ending up here,

I accidentally divided them and post it on facebook,

Separating them by days if not hourly.

Now guess,

What's on my mind?

Reason 3: Linking

Gone were the days I'm browsing youtube videos,

Linking random videos onto my blog hoping random people will randomly blog-hopped onto my random blog and left a random comment.

That's when facebook find strength in this weakness.

By linking videos onto your wall,

You can now tag other people so that very same video will appear on their page,

And you can like,

And you can comment,

And you can just share it to spread the love.

So why link videos onto your blog then?

Reason 4: Readers

Unless you're the son of Michael Jackson blogging about his life when he's still around,

Or an insane madman talking about girls you raped and posting them videos on your blog,

You're bound to lose in readership ever since Facebook launch.

Even I myself knows that I've already lost a great deal of readership,

Maybe due to inactivity,

Maybe due to lack of interesting stuffs,

But confirm due to facebook.

So what if you want to talk about something and wants people to acknowledge it?

Facebook it.

And pray hard to get at least 10 "likes".

Reason 5: Anything

Last but not least,

If you're given the power to do almost anything you ever want in your life,

Would you resist it?

Or would you do a "Anakin Skywalker" and let yourself be tainted by the Dark Side?

Share photos, videos.

Talk about anything on your wall and someone will come by to make the topic even more interesting.

For crying out loud,

You can even poke each other for no apparent reason.

Let's face it people,

Facebook destroyed Friendster totally with its' "What's on your mind?"

They too destroyed MySpace, since now most bands rather create a fan page on Facebook.

Tagged is surviving the neck-hold due to the fact Facebook giving them mercy.

Wait till Facebook decides to have a browse option.

It is so bad that even third-world countries' citizens rather have a facebook account than stable food income.

That concludes the end of my rant.

I'm off to facebooking now,

Lan

If this matters, it matters. If it does not, it doesn't.

2010-10-24T04:19:00.003+08:00

I gave manipulation as a title,

You made the most of it fucking down my life into shame.

I gave honesty as a title,

You just had to make me feel like honesty is the worst policy.

I gave fairness as a title,

You rather keep your stick pointed out forcing me to endure.

I gave clarification as a title,

You gave me short phrases of bullshit expecting me to understand what the FUCK I'm supposed to understand.

I gave love as a title,

You engulfed me in deep hatred to every little parts of you.

You know what,

Fuck all these manipulations, catchy little phrases bullshit.

Fuck all that confusion.

I couldn't stand you,

I couldn't understand you,

I couldn't accept you.

And I can't live my life with you giving me hell.

YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I HAD TO DEAL WITH DOING SOMETHING I'M SO AGAINST MYSELF DOING.

That's it,

All I want now is to get the fuck out of your life, your world, your mind.

I implore you to do the same.

Let there be peace in minds again.

Man on the Front

2010-10-18T12:22:00.002+08:00

We founded each other at the end of 2007,

At remembrance on how nervous I was approaching the group doing their stuffs.

I was never good at introduction,

Even when an opportunity towards my dreams were right in front of me.

From that series of meetups which I never felt so low,

Criticisms directed towards my vocal range even from myself,

New challenges that I never thought I had to face.

Still it was not the worst of cases,

People were getting kicked out here and there for reasons like "stalling everyone"

While I did agree, I preferred if we could have hold meetings as a group and do it officially.

We finally settled down in late 2008, or early 2009, I couldn't remember.

Ideas by ideas they popped in, everything went by smoothly with that strength in our chemistry.

But when NS starts popping into our lives,

Slowly and surely, everything changes around us.

That was when I mixed with a bunch of people like myself,

Frontmen of their own respective bands,

Sharing experiences, tips, funny stories,

Or just how awesome our bands are.

To the extent they shared me a website,

An eye-opener on what I should have been doing.

This is one of the key points taken from the site itself

"A band is a TEAM who collaborate, learn and work together of which the singer is a part. He or she needs to be able to get on with the other musicians and be prepared to sing material that they may not particlarly enjoy. The type of songs chosen have to be within the singers range and ability."

While I've improved and eventually found my "second" voice,

I hope all these "throwing songs for me to learn" system will stop and actually consider my strength and weaknesses.

Another point to note,

"Usually (but not always!) the lead vocalist is the main focus of the audiences attention. This is due partly to the fact that the front person is interpretating the lyrics which make up the story of the song, partly due to the singers charisma and partly due to the competence of the performer."

Meaning to say, if I had to keep straining my chords for a song,

And ended up doing badly at it,

The shame is not just on me,

But on each and everyone of us as a whole.

There's a reason why I kept fiddling with our songs everytime,

Why I wanted it to sound like that, why I wanted this to stop doing that.

Chasing for limelight might make one feel good, but it reflects badly on everyone.

What I've been doing is trying to balance that chase and make everyone look just as important.

And since I'm listening to the sound as a whole,

You guys need to have faith on me voicing out, changing parts,

Even if you don't particularly enjoy the part you have to play,

Trust me,

It will sound much better towards people listening to it.

Already, two of someone I know voiced out that I don't belong there.

Mainly due to the lack of stage presence,

And lack of understanding.

Having to be the only one who's actually walking around while others "stare" at their respective instruments for the whole song.

It'll look bad on me if I were to wrong people who thinks we're beginners.

Of course I too have to take the blame,

My lack of charisma/confidence whenever I had to address the crowd,

Cowering away from a frontman's job to create and maintain connections with bands, organisers, employers.

But in the end,

WE, have to present ourself as a WE,

Not a him, not a drummer and guitarist and vocalist,

But WE as a whole.

It's time to cater to the crowd,

To know what the people want.

To play songs that people want to hear instead of playing songs we enjoy playing yet its alien towards the crowd.

I was made to post all these due to the fact that I just knew I'm not the only one who felt like giving up,

Because that will lead to the downfall of everyone as a whole.

I am going to effect changes.

I will stop shying away from a frontman's abilities.

I will make us,

A band.

Bear with me,

Lan

The Untold Story: "The Same Man in the Brighter White"

2010-08-26T09:28:00.002+08:00

Chapter 1

----------

That very hall was painted with fear, with pain, with fatigue that knows no bounds,

Yet at the same time it felt alive, hinted courage, teamwork, and a change of life.

Along with the others, I waited in my plain red shirt and bleached-brown khaki,

Nervously sitting there in fear on what else is going to happen around this place.

I took glances at the others, now my squad mates, each bearing different looks.

The blur ones, the fearful, and the ones telling me how ready they were with that confidence.

As fast as I assumed their expressions,

That booming voice came in,

Suddenly everyone's eyes cowered in fear.

"I want all of you boys to stand up and throw your bags to the floor!"

That very fear staggered a few of us, including myself, to lift up our already heavy self,

"I SAID STAND UP! YOU'RE ALL UNDER ME NOW!"

That man was well-built, dark-skinned, and good-looking in a way,

With such towering voice, such commanding tone, with a face that instills discipline.

We did what the man said,

Got up and left our bags on the floor.

Commanded us to throw everything that is in our backpack onto the floor.

He came to us one by one, recklessly sweeping over everything we threw on the floor,

Humiliating one for bringing in a teddy bear who claimed it was a gift from his sister,

Kept shouting things like declaring cigarettes or be done for.

I was shaken literally when he came over to my side.

"Kalau kau bawak rokok atau charger handphone, surrender sekarang sebalum aku masuk campur."

Having been in the Military Band when I was younger,

I answered to his questioning of whether I've brought in cigarettes or handphone charger,

Which is disallowed at all times in Home Team Academy.

"No Sir!" I answered with a reasonable, fearful, tone.

He stared deep into my eyes, went onto one knee and starts sorting everything out,

Lifting up my battery-operated phone charger and putting it back down,

I breathed a sign of relief knowing that all my background knowledge on how to survive this ordeal has helped me alot.

She was everything that had kept me from breaking,

Even though it was a sign of breaking up,

I put in all hopes this time off will settle things right.

And my phone's life is important for me to stay in contact with my girlfriend.

"If only I knew you earlier, much earlier."

"I can't imagine life without you."

"Come back when you're done with NS."

And her last message before we parted,

"Sitting here at the waterside where we chatted, listening to your iPod in tears. I love you, Muhammad Azlan bin Ramdan."

Waking up at four in the morning,

Just so I could see her again for the last time.

Where we shared our last chats in that small hut-like place facing the riverbank,

Warm hugs and deep kisses.

And those never-ending tears with songs of goodbye.

It was all in mind at the same time,

Confusion, Disappointment, Rejection,

But my fitness instructor booming voice ran through the crowd again,

All my thoughts vanished into thin air with my face annoyed due to that very distraction.

"Now all of you trainees, yes that's what you're gonna be call from now on. HAIRCUT!"

- End of Chapter 1 -

Truth be untold

2010-08-09T02:55:00.002+08:00

With deeper feelings, comes higher expectations,

With higher expectations, we learned pressure,

For I've always believed the priority of relationships is through conversations,

Not just both minds at peace only when we're facing each other

We went on without me ever realising,

We can never handle each other through deep conversations,

The bond, the chemistry, was with us, strengthening,

But I only made it believable to you, in my mind there was oblivion

So I took a week off, away from my graying feelings,

Re-reading our chat logs, re-understanding you, re-gathered myself,

I know I had to take my chances, attacking you where it'll hurt the most,

Manipulating your hostility, your weakness to fight your hatred,

And direct them towards me.

I've been studying you all the way back when we first met,

That is how I learned to decode your lines and impress you time to time,

Then you were disappointed in me because I can no longer do that anymore,

Because I made you believe it.

Your mind always revolves on the most obvious of reasons,

On the outer shell of everything happening around you,

That has always been your weakness,

And I exploited it.

Do you feel that inability to decide on your questions towards me now?

Do you feel your emotions are slowly twirling into a rage?

Do you feel cheated and used?

Or do you feel the need to tell yourself to prove me wrong and deny that these are not what's in your mind?

You know it yourself,

Whatever is going in your mind,

It's not pleasant.

It could either be the truth or another manipulation,

It's up to you to decode them yourself.

This was a heavy but needed sacrifice I had to make,

Since we're going nowhere with our issues in conversations,

An issue that will lead to more issues certainly,

Especially happiness in the future.

Whether we'll be friends or complete strangers,

It depends on how well you can decode my lines now,

I damage your feelings towards me cause I had to,

A little sacrifice for the greater gain.

Your aggressive and independent nature,

Has always been your strengths,

But to fit them into your puzzle,

I was never that missing piece.

My feelings were honest.

But my intentions,

Were manipulations.

Still the truth,

Will always remain untold.

Till the day you'll read into my eyes and find your answers.

Since the balcony to my decision,

I love you,

Lan

Fuck me?

2010-08-05T16:39:00.003+08:00

Proved my point,

Focusing on my little mistakes and burning them big with exclamation marks.

If I'm like you, turning my attention only to the black dot,

I wouldn't have decide to give you opportunities to correct things back.

------------------------------------------------------------

Take note:

Your story is only based on you, what you did, said and me, what I did and said.

People don't know what I had to go through.

They don't know about my freaking psychological issues!

You, don't know about my psychological issues.

No, you don't!

------------------------------------------------------------

Anyone in the right state of mind,

Who is in close contact with you,

Will be able to tell that you have that psycho issues.

I remember telling you dwelling on it too much,

Will affect you mentally.

Overworking yourself worsens it.

There's a reason why I said that,

Because I partially know that you're suffering mentally.

And heck,

Do you even think I'm gonna go up to you and go "Hey I think you got psychology issues"?

It may be indirect,

But I know your mental issues,

Thus my actions to get that point through you.

----------------------------------------------------

It's only based on one story. One-sided! What happened to your, "listen to both sides and then analyze"? huh?!

You just don't understand what's going on in my head.

You only think about your wants dude! Your wants!

-----------------------------------------------------

For crying out loud,

I'm the writer here,

Not the reader.

Even if you still want to force-apply that "listen to both sides" theory,

I put the sayings of us both in that entry,

I mean like really, who else is siding you right now and willing to clarify with me?

No one?

Stop complaining about something you don't even practice.

Yes,

I don't understand what's going on in your head.

That's why I had to call it off,

Prolonging it will only make us live an unhappy life.

I only think about my wants?

You didn't want to rush,

You "forgot" about the important decision you have to make.

But did I blast you all out for that?

Did I turned a deaf ear when it comes to the police case?

Did I just walked off everytime you begin about your past?

Or even,

Did I made use of you as pleasure, money, or company?

I never cared about your wants right?

So why are you even getting pissed off by the calling off if I was such a person?

All these while I stood by with words of wisdom,

With a shoulder for you to lean on when you're falling,

Still you said I never cared about your wants.

Bravo.

----------------------------------------------------------------

This is exactly the reason why I don't involve other people in decision making esp in cases such as what we're in now. They know nothing. They only listen to one side!

----------------------------------------------------------------

They only listen to one side because it's the only side available to them,

The other side refuses communication via hostility.

If they listen to one side,

They know something,

Again you're proving my point,

Dealing with absolutes.

If you don't even bother to voice out,

Don't complain that they only listen to one side.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And yea.. what do you know about me? Only the present character.

Friends? They helped me? No!

Only my bestfriend did, that was only like two of my problems when I was in a freaking bad shape.

You only judge things literally.

Just shut the fck up and stop spitting things you don't know about me, esp the Natashah I used to be. You don't know THAT me, you GOON!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cheering you up, is a help.

Listening to your problems, is helping.

Giving you words of wisdom, is helping.

Avoiding subjects related to your mental issues, is helping.

It's you dear,

It's just you with your constant refusal to see the positive sides of things.

To appreciate the sincerity of the effort people put in,

No matter how little,

They bother because they care.

I judge to what I've seen and learned.

I spat things to what I've learned about you,

I may not know the past you,

Still I venture deeper into your life to pull that good person out of you.

The thing that changes everything was,

I failed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

You have just made yourself a good example of a bad examiner.

Go around, telling your friends who don't know me, and then made them analyse things for you?

HAHK! Shows how bad you are at decision making. You're too dependent on others! TOO DEPENDENT!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

To be blinded when loving someone is a natural psychology effect,

I go around, telling my friends what we are going through,

What I am going through,

And gather analysis on potential outcomes there will be.

Taking it into account,

I weigh the positives and negatives and reach out for a decision.

While you only had one super fucked up relationship that you used it as a mode to see guys in negativity,

Without experiencing the real emotions when you're feeling for someone,

I had a handy where I got ditched,

I had one where religious issues were put into picture and everyone knows I made the right decision to get out of that relationship.

I apply my experiences to us,

You apply your experience to us.

If a guy ever hit a girl,

That taste will stay with him forever and the temptation to hit again is always there.

That was a theory I found truth while I listened to people life stories.

Knowing we already went through these kind of shits,

And it always happens,

You're so sure it will be a happy life for us?

I decided a No,

After letting myself vulnerable to risks while I gave in opportunities to you,

Thus,

Calling it off.

Bad at decision-making?

That's a suprise to hear from someone who went through a whole year of shits,

And still stayed right through thinking she could change things all by herself,

Instead of letting that ego down and actually listened to her friends who were trying to reach out for her.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

You have a mind of your own, nobody thinks the same way.

You have a heart of your own, nobody feels the same way.

They can only get the idea of what you're feeling.

Similar is not equivalent to same!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Comfort comes in between people with similarities.

Nobody ever thinks or feel the same way as me,

That is why I let them come with answers to my life.

If they think the same way as I did,

How could I ever got out of this nightmare?

Brainstorms,

They exist for a reason.

Sociology,

That term exist for a reason.

----------------------------------------------------------------

So use your thoughts, your feelings and make your own decision!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Yes I used my own thoughts.

Yes I used my own feelings.

Yes I made my own decision.

----------------------------------------------------------------

It's just a small issue and you had to make it as if it's such a big issue and blame me for your insomnia and paranoia?

----------------------------------------------------------------

Your irony is killing me.

And I didn't blame you for my insomnia and paranoia,

In fact I blamed myself.

I only taught you that my paranoia is possible to be controlled by you,

But I didn't say it comes directly from you.

Get your facts right.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

IT'S ALL IN YOUR MIND.

YOU, YOURSELF, DRAGGED YOUR MIND INTO THIS SHIT.

IF YOU HADN'T STARTED THE FIRE, I WOULDN'T BE BLASTING WITH FURY.

JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT BOTH OF US ARE AT FAULT.

FRIENDLY GOODBYE.

NO OTHER PARTIES INVOLVED.

WHO IS LOOKING AT THE BLACK DOT NOW?

YOU GET THAT?

GET WHAT I MEAN NOW?

BLACK DOT AND WHITE PAPER THAT YOU HIGHLY PROUD OF?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

First paragraph, good example how you're allergic to my honesty, and clearing things out. I grow fear to speak out of honesty to you because you kept thinking that I'm hostile with everything that I said, even when I'm not.

Second paragraph, and I thought you're the one who can't accept the fact that both of us are at fault?

You attacked me when I called it off,

You piled everything on me because it ended.

But NEVER admitted it was part of your doings.

Now I'm fucking telling you,

Both of us are at fault.

Third paragraph, an answer to that will be the both of us.

Depends on the frequency,

You're forever looking at the black dot.

While I see the black dot first,

And climbed out to the white paper next.

That is our obvious difference.

You stick with what happened,

I stick myself in what happened and go deeper beyond that to uncover reasons why it happened.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Seriously man, you don't hafta rub it in and tell the whole world about it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Honestly I wouldn't,

If you'd stopped putting statuses on fb as if you're the victim.

And yeah,

You called me names,

And went "fck you!" on me.

So "nice" indeed.

The end has no end

2010-08-05T02:04:00.002+08:00

The nights of constant insomnia,

The days wasted on my increasing paranoia,

The harshness of your words I kept myself surviving throughout conversations,

I've grown weary of these fights in vain.

It was a mystery how I could bring myself to that decision,

It will be no longer.

There are things you never liked about me,

And I have that fair share of mine.

I used to be able to voice out my concerns in all out honesty,

To influence him or her to see the brighter side of things,

To put in effort to get oneself into the light of things,

Not just pondering and lengthening until the darkness assumed control over them.

But I can no longer.

For every point I wanted to get through you,

I had to go through series of debates,

Series of arguments,

Even most of the times my care and concern showed tends to end up in vain.

To the extent I started to grow fear to actually be there for you when you're in trouble,

Cause' in the end, both of us will end up hurt for the arguments we fought.

My view of life and yours, they always contradicts,

Even when mine was shared amongst those close to you,

You always bring up that "I know myself better than anyone" attitude into picture.

You shunned away help when we all know you need it,

You went against all others who wanted to get to you and correct you,

When we really felt our hearts reaching out in care for you,

You destroyed it with hostility in the next instant.

You want people to stand with you,

To agree with you,

To fight for the same cause you're fighting for.

Then you felt your life is slowly deteriorating,

You felt the pressure of people going against you,

You felt what you believe is true, is turning false.

But instead of exploring possibilities why we think what we think,

You flared up at us for putting you down.

Then you started making mistakes,

And more mistakes,

Because you're determined to help yourself first,

To be independent before dependent.

But you don't see these mistakes,

You didn't see the mistakes you made along the way,

That let your past haunts you again,

Slowly playing with your mind until you become what you are now.

The efforts you put in,

Were to sustain you,

But never improving you.

I'll be honest with you on this one,

But it disturbs me like hell when you feel as if its killing you to just apologise to someone,

Even your best-friend.

At one time,

I remember how you kept saying she knows you inside out,

She's always there to help you out on problems,

And you feel damn right appreciative of her presence.

Then a fight broke out cause of the both you in hostility season.

Which then I approached you,

Talking you out on taking the first move to apologise and reclaim back the friendship,

Putting aside the ego.

A little sacrifice for the greater gain.

But no,

You chose to point out her faults,

Point out reasons why she don't make a good best friend,

Explaining to me its always you doing the "good" and she did almost nothing noteworthy,

Even dismissing the fact that you have friends.

For all I know it could have been spoken out of anger,

But in all honestly,

That was the most disgusting sight of you yet.

You kept saying it was due to you being overly-nice that people steps over your head,

But didn't you noticed?

I only heard.

But I never seen it in action.

Furthermore,

Why stopped being nice just because people steps over your head?

If it's a good thing, why stop it?

Why redirect it into hostility instead?

It makes sense if you learn to control your "nice" attitude,

But to overturned it totally,

It just puts you in a darker picture.

And I'm pretty sure,

By now you have your fingers pointed at me again,

Ready to point out all you feel is untrue,

Ready to point out that I'm blinded,

Rejecting all these faults I made you an example of.

Tell you what,

I'll cut you some slack and accept that I'm everything you point at me for.

But do yourself a little favor,

Understand the reasons, intentions, as to WHY I'm saying all these.

And the decision itself,

You know it yourself you're the second girl I had to call it off.

The first was due to religious issues,

The second was as you've said to me,

You find me a disappointment.

Hurts me like fuck to say this,

But thats what I feel too.

- Your anger is out of control

- I felt my honesty is more like a crime than a gift

- Healthy Conversations died, arguments takes its place

- You limiting your views to what you think is right

- You blasted my care back at my face with hostility

- Our views contradicts each other

- You always made me feel worthless, without explaining reasons in depth

- I've grown tired of your "You just don't get it", "You fail to read in between the lines", and theories that never fit in just to win arguments.

(12:34 AM) Natashah.: u wanted me to look at the whole we paper
yet
u only look at the balck dot
*black (12:34 AM) Catch me if yo: what black dot are you exactly talking about (12:35 AM) Catch me if yo: what black dot am i looking at
its contents?
tell me about its contents (12:35 AM) Natashah.: everything (12:35 AM) Catch me if yo: if the black dot is everything
what is the whole white paper (12:36 AM) Natashah.:
see wad i mean? (12:36 AM) Catch me if yo: nope i dont (12:36 AM) Natashah.: u just dont get it (12:37 AM) Catch me if yo: tell me (12:37 AM) Natashah.: we no longer see ye to eye (12:37 AM) Catch me if yo: if you keep throwing random quotes at me of course i wont get it (12:37 AM) Catch me if yo: there is no supporting documents that goes with it (12:37 AM) Catch me if yo: its like you giving me a chair with no legs on it
and im figuring out how to use this thing (12:38 AM) Catch me if yo: just tell me slowly (12:38 AM) Natashah.: bcoz u chose not to get it

And that,

Was the downturn of everything I hope I can still fight for.

I took that time off to talk to my friends,

My classmates,

Hearing out opinions and their views.

To prove to myself that I'm not blinded.

Then I saw the point.

What's the use of prolonging all these when you had your fair share of taste,

On winning arguments with me weakening myself just to keep you happy?

We won't be happy,

We will never be.

So I decided to called it off.

I prefer not existing in your life,

Rather than to be unreal to you and lying to myself everyday.

I never lost my feelings towards you,

It has been difficult and it still is for me to accept.

You live your life,

I live mine.

Hopefully in the future,

You see changes as lessons rather than burdens.

To Someone I Held Dearly,

Lan

2010-08-01T18:40:00.000+08:00

"Dearly beloved are you listening?

I can't remember a word that you were saying

Are we demented or am I disturbed?

The space that's in between insane and insecure

Oh therapy, can you please fill the void?

Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed

Nobody's perfect and I stand accused

For lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse"

I want you now, I don't care how.

2010-06-21T06:11:00.002+08:00

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Day by day you're proving yourself unknowingly,
A perfect fit is the description I would give us,
Me and You, so happy and free,
Do you feel the same faith on how long we'll last?

Insomnia and Paranoia burst out within me,
Yet somehow you managed not to lose your footing,
No one has ever felt my thorns and refuse to bleed,
But you actually played well with my strings

I walked up the door with vines entangled,
Choosing fate over destiny while the lies starts burning,
The wheel didn't turn, efforts set able,
This room I stayed in get the wooden bells ringing,

For amplifiers I sat on, were not made of tissues,
The blast that caught in these shines of blue,
A sneaker call out to the stalker trying the fool,
Till I turned into the corner in between two,

Then I found You.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

First day of school after break. - Checked.

Kopi-O for the start. - Checked.

No sleep throughout the night. - Checked.

Books, files, and Monopoly Deal. - Checked.

Scratching balls while smoking. - Checking.

Ready, Set, In a Relationship,
Lan

Do me a favour

2010-06-11T02:26:00.002+08:00

Before I went into NS,

I was that immature kid who made pranks on others via MSN,
Then posting them up here to shame them.

Yet here I am,
Gone through NS,

Learning the steps towards maturity.

But guess what?

THAT IMMATURE SIDE OF ME STILL LIVES!

Let me present the new-age victim of SLN chat logs.

Ze Wanderboy.

He came up to me looking for part time jobs,
And yeah I was in my evil mood back then.

Sorry man I had to do this.

NOT.

(All of these is in malay, so ask your malay friends for you non-malay ones)

Of course to intensify this "recipe",
I gotta add in more spice to it don't cha think so?

And to close it all up.

Moral of story?

Always go for jobs that offers duit "Halal".

Back on track,
Lan

To all that matters

2010-06-10T11:47:00.002+08:00

I'm tired of this.

I'm tired of being pushed around like this.

I'm tired of certain people giving me songs that is beyond my vocal range,
And expect me to train up my vocal chords and reach that note.

So what if I can reach that note and able to complete the song?
While straining my voice all the way throughout?

The song may have cool guitar parts,
The song my have the bass line everyone who listens will get hook to,
The song may have the drums giving the hype to everyone.

But you can't just put me inside and expect me to fit in with all the notes playing around me.

You may not notice,
The band may not notice,
But the crowd will know how much I'm trying to force out those high notes I strain hard to reach,

They will know thats not my natural range,
Then it'll reflect back on the band.

And me?
I'm risking jamming up my chords and get all strained up.

I want us to sound like a band,
Not pushing everyone beyond their limits.

There's reasons why I kept improvising our originals,
No matter how complete they may sound.

I want to make them in such a way they sound like a band.

And that is why there are times I suggest bringing a third party to listen to us,
Because only a vocalist,
And someone outside listening to us,

Will really know how the melody sounds like,
How complete we sounds like.

Ever wonder why I took so much pride in "Play of the Night"?

It's the only song that brings everyone into the limelight,
Taking their turns.

That is what I want,
No one is singled out.

And whatever happened to them sessions?

The mode of our band's chemistry,
The mode of coming up with new songs together?

We used up all the times going for jamming sessions,
But is there no one else except me who realise there's something missing?

That band chemistry we used to have?

To everyone that matters,

Our break since Mayday was far too long,
We need to get back up on our feet running again.

Bring those sessions back,
And understand the limits of every member in the band.

The Vocalist,
Lan

2010-05-27T23:39:00.002+08:00

"For every positives, there's always a negative tagging along"
- Azlan (1988-????)

And that's the very line I gave during my presentation last week.

Yes readers,
I remember going like;

"Once I'm done with NS, SLN will back to normal with random entries about chat logs or just,
Random shits."

Little did I know I'm still trapped in the braces of {BUSY}.

The bad part,
Term test is just around the corner,
Next Monday and Tuesday I will fully dedicate my heart, mind and soul only to the papers I'm facing.

The best part,

HOLIDAYS RIGHT AFTER TUESDAY!

I just can't make this shit up,

Holidays?
I just fucking miss them.

Been like almost two years?
Since I tasted holiday?

Since I tasted three weeks of doing nothing at home to going out almost every single day?

Since I tasted my mom's holiday cooking?

I can already foresee myself drowning into hibernation for three weeks on my mattress.

I mean its like,

HOLY SHIT HOLIDAYS ARE COMING!

And yeah I've been elected to take the role of vice-chairman for my class too.

Contradicting much,
Especially for someone who's NEVER early for first class,
Got caught smoking,
Gave TP's one stop service hella lot of problems for my course transfers and matric card,

Who SUCKS totally at maths. (But ima do well in others!)

And who talked to the teachers like friends.

NS sure changed me,
Tsk tsk.

Other than my maths,
I'm quite glad for myself for having caught up with lessons missed due to NS.

Oh and did I mentioned?
We're finally gonna have a class chalet right after Tues' paper.

I've been waiting for a chance to actually bond with them,
Minus the exception of getting tickled by them,
Fuck you Faidy who started the trend.

Once I was regarded as that silent mature man of the class,
Now I'm an alien who speaks in alien language upon poking my sides.

Okay cukup.

As to you my dearest,

I never expect myself coming into someone's life who has not only shown me,
But pulling at my hand into the more positive of worlds,
Someone who made me feel so secured about how I'm gonna live my life in the near-future.

Bring me everywhere just to sit down together and help me out with my maths,
Putting the burden on yourself carrying all them old heavy books,
Just to lend it to me making sure I'll do well in my studies.

You were not only there to share my laughter,
But you were there to carry my burden together.

Even though you suck at consoling.
Heh. :p

In you,
I saw myself as you do towards me.

I saw that smile and laughter defending the frontlines,
Protecting the sorrows and that troubled tone far behind.

Time will show,
But right now.

I feel that I've finally found the perfect fit I've always need.

Oh hey Nat you know you sounded masculine,
Lanny-Lappy-Wappy

I don't mind if you don't mind, Cause I don't shine if you don't shine.

2010-05-17T00:00:00.001+08:00

Finally,
I no longer feel awkward calling someone "Nat".

HAH!

+1 Point to Ze Portuguese Bastard.

:DDD

2010-05-10T01:51:00.004+08:00

Highlights of the night

- Won a Monopoly game making the score Lan 1-1 Nat

- Signed the agreement form for 26th June's Melfraps performance at Woodlands Youth Event under Woodlands YEC Organisation

- Went for Left for Dead 2 for the first time with Melfraps and Nat.

- Nat proving herself being a pervert after her effort trying to get in the gents with us.

- Chelsea winning the EPL Title + Highest goals in EPL history (100+) + Golden Boots + Golden Gloves + Ballack.

I'll be back on the next update,
Duh.

Like this ah now!,
Lan

ORD OH!

2010-05-07T23:44:00.003+08:00

Dated July 07, 2008

With regards to my 1 year 10 months serving the nation,
Under the banner of Singapore Police Force,
And of course Airport Police Division Patrol Team Charlie.

While you wait for my grand story of how my whole NS life went,
Here's some things to keep you guys busy and wanting for more.

Okay macam paham.

Stay with me now,
As I go through these amazing pics caught on cam.

From the pubic-haired monster

To the infamous Portuguese Martian

Faking happiness while getting tortured during BMT period

New York City Cop

My secret to studying law without falling asleep

Contradicting much, no?

The enthusiasm that lasted only in the first month of BMT

In a typical Malay accent, "MACAM PAHAM!"

As stated above.

My BMT bunk view from my bed.

The day everyone's been waiting for; POP OH!

Oh Happy Times.

When everyone's smiling with pride, Ma's still doesn't know what she's doing there, heh.

Just when I thought 3 months of BMT is enough,
I had to spend another 3 months of NPCO course after I got my posting to Airport,

IN CAMP.

The joy on my face of being behind a guy. Heh.

Every Thursday is our Food Paradise Day.

...with me as the Mascot.

That demonic face.

I know I know, I don't know what I'm doing either.

Digi-volving.

And so they called me; The Exorcist. Plain WTF.

Out of camp, and into airport like FINALLY!

Black & White

Having a damn good life then.

*winks*

Ze Fit Squad 132nd Intake ;)

Ze coolest SC/Sgt and everyone's favourite hindustani.

Azlan Khan and Sanjay Dutt

Sharizard and urm, Azticuno?

My last few days before ORD OH!

And now I shall make all of you wait,
Till I "come back with a big bang!" as made famous by Cinat Bukitasha.

Heh.

Portuguese kisses to everyone,
Lan-ORD-OH-!

2010-04-29T23:23:00.002+08:00

If you think carlsberg and coca-cola ads are the most funniest,
You've yet to see this.

Change your plans and then phone me

2010-04-22T00:20:00.002+08:00

The best happenings neither come singularly,
Nor in pair,
Nor in triplet,

But they actually comes,

IN THE ULTRA MIGHTY QUADRUPLET!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Point 1

Point 2

Point 3

Point 4

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Point 1: Ze Successfuller Transferch
Info-Comms to Information Technology

Say, getting into Polytechnic studies was the best thing that happened recently,
Pride in both parents to see their only son being the first in the family/relatives bloodline,
To actually reach this far in his studies.

Info-Comms at first,
Although I dislike the idea when I found out that course was under Engineering,
Still I had fun in a few days of going classes studying things I'm ever so familiar with.

Buddies I have made,
And to be studying again really raises my spirit up high.

I've applied for a transfer to my dream course; IT,
And I gotten it in just a few hours.

Damn my enthusiasm is really going off the charts,
But of course,

I'll sorely miss all my buddies when I was still back in their class.

Study smart people,
We'll hang out whenever possible alright!

Point 2: La Concerto Band Grande
Concert Band

Talk to me when I'm still your nerdy percussionist playing marching rhythms on the snare,
I would have gladly run to the post during the cca fair and immediately sign up.

Old mates may have known me through drums,
Although I'm trying my luck on this as a backup plan coming to Point...

Point 3: Singh-ing with daa bandddd
Music Vox

Countless times I've wondered how I would end up in another band,
Other than my beloved Melfraps.

Limited slots,
I heard.

And most unfortunate none of the Melfraps is in the same school as me.

So eh they're organising some kind of meet up session,
Which I hope I will meet a bassist who is into The Killers,
A drummer who is into Oasis,

And guitarists who are into The Strokes.

That alone will make a perfect band I'll go suicidal just to be in.

Oh and,

MORE GIGS FOR EVERYONE!

Point 4: Operationally Ready Date
ORD-OH!

Best of luck to most that I know who gonna be enlisted in a few weeks/months time,
I've suffered and I've enjoyed most of my 1 year 10 months serving the nation.

Now it's your turn to suffer kiddos.

ORD OH!

Point 5:

There is no point 5,
But the next best thing gonna happen is...........

COMEBACK OF ZE EUROPEAN CURLSSS!

Okay fuck I know I'm damn fucking excited now.

Of course I'll remember the very person who pushed me all out,
To get me into this path of life.

You may have fucked up some parts of my life,

But hell,

Thank you for being there sharing every inch of support to me back then.

Thank you Dhylea.

:)

IT'S INDIE ROCK AND ROLL FOR ME!,
Lan

You gave me one hard pinch.

2010-04-20T03:01:00.002+08:00

A lovefool may always tell the other party,
That assurance on how they can be like old times,
Before the honeymoon period was over,
When all that matters is just having one another.

But we were cruelly denied of such statement,
There's just no getting back like old times after all that had happened.

You begin to feel something is not quite right in your weary heart,
And all you want is to feel how you used to feel,
But little that you know,

You're inviting unwanted pressure to your very soul.

And the more you try to fight it,
The more heavier that burden grows,
Forcing mistakes out of you,

Mistakes that may just prove too costly to retain.

Mistakes that may just demolish everything you have fought so hard for.

So don't,
Don't even think that going back like old times will make things better.

For I once was and learnt my lesson the worst way yet possible.

So heed my words,
All those that I love.

I like,
I dislike,
I hate,
I have fetish for.

I am sleepy,
Lan

Another turning point of a fork stuck in the road

2010-04-15T19:20:00.003+08:00

So I've went for my first orientation date last Tuesday.

Right now, I'm having mixed feelings on the choices I made.

Not to sound racist here, but my class was dominated with ze chinese peeps,
2 Malay guys (Myself and another whom I deemed to weird to communicate with)
One indian boy who is my one and only smoking buddy with a pinch of attitude,
One malay girl whose innocence makes me feel guilty just by glancing at her.

And the other 25 in estimation,
Are the nerd + ah beng chinese clan of both genders.

It maybe just the first time I'm meeting them,
But somehow some ways I don't feel I can ever really bond in this class.

Not because of mere races but the background we have that differ too much from me and them.

Oh and did I mention everyone's around 17-19 while I'm reaching 22 this year?

Oh the blasphemy!

And so in between these trying times,
I've made my own options:

1) Stay where I am for the next three years.
2) Opt for a change of course that I'm more interested in. "IT"
3) Opt for reserve place as I go in October Intake, without NS piling the pressure and perhaps more ite grads around the same age.
4) Opt for both 2 & 3 together.
5) Backward somersault off the 11th floor parapet.

Meh,
Lan

2010-04-15T04:45:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, images of you will dance in my mind,
Your stomps I felt as my soul aches,
Deprived from air, I struggled to breathe,
Regrets of how I let out everything for you.

Sleepless nights = fucked up moments

Signs misleading to nowhere

2010-04-06T15:21:00.002+08:00

"And there's nothing wrong with me,
This is how I'm supposed to be,
In the land of make-believe,
They don't believe in me."
- Green Day.

Now now,
It's been too long a time I've actually updated,
From all the teeny-weeny droplets to the largest shit mankind has ever come across,

Oh what the fuck,

UPDATES!

Apart from scoring badly in my love-life,
Which I always did. *face-palm*

I guess MOE had actually opened their eyes and take a good hard look,
On my scoring results I've been trying to show them ever since before I got enlisted in NS.

What I'm trying to say is,

Temasek Polytechnic has finally accepted me.

After applying and appealing and applying and appealing for almost two years,
They finally give me that three years of study.

So anyway,
I was offered "Info-Comms",
What I didn't know was,
It's under School of Engineering instead of IT.

Which also means I'll be taking Engineering Maths in some of my modules,
Shivers at the thought of it.

And also,
The next best thing.

ORD-OH! in exactly a month from today.

From that infamous Martian

To the upcoming ever-so-popular Pubic Hair Monster with credits to Pariapa

And then,
There's this big "BUT" which had to appear in a sudden again.

You see people,
Studies starting in 19th April,

But my ORD date is on the 6th May.

It may not look as much,
But I was denied when I tried to reach to an agreement with the admin side of TP,
Denied of probably missing a few lessons as I try to juggle until I'm all free from this NS shits.

Which means I had to go for disruption from NS,
Plans on coming back in September to resume and finish all my leftovers.

But the admin side of CMPB denied,
Denied because disruption is only applicable for degree/A-Levels studies.

Conclusion?

Mother-fucking Ankylosaurus shit.

(To ze donno ones)

I wish I can complain more but my mind is facing heavy traffic of stress-signals.

I'm frustrated at the thought of having to give up what I've tried so hard for,
And leave it in their hands until the next intake which is in October,

Which is like 5 months upon ORD-ing?

Sure I have thoughts of working at Starbucks or something,
But that's too fucken long,
And so as my worries of reserving a place in risking a chance everything will fall through.

To think that my dad actually sold his bike,
Just so he can pay up the starting fees,
Really sets my mind up in its little stress funfair.

Sigh,
If only I had briefed my parents that the financial matters was before any sort of deduction.

Sigh again.

And again.

So as to cut short with regards to my kimek-stress-sak life I'm living right now,

- I'll be going for my diploma in info-comms studies in TP either in April or October,
Depending on how things work out between Temasek Poly, Airport Police, and Me.

- ORD OH in a month time. People known there will be sorely missed and I'll try to think of you guys whenever I go on my wanking activity.

- Melfraps is currently under-going recording, with the organisers of countdown 2010 back then inviting us to play in June. (Details will be updated asap)

- Went out with ex-girlfriend Nab whom I haven't seen for 4 years, the one who woke up that poet in me that developed himself into a song-writer. Went Swensens, asked for a bill when it was actually free-of-charge.

- Went out with Wana, from what supposed to be a 30-mins meet up, turn into like 3 hours.

- Daddy bought two new shiny-whiny collar bells for Cass and Bran.

- Is currently single, and too available.

:D

So yeah,
Wish me all the best in finding a way out of all these study/ns shit,
Else I'm gonna be damn embarassed for going everywhere sounding damn confident like,

"YAY IM GOING TP!"

Portuguese kisses to everyone,
Lan

Behind the white flower, behind the note

2010-03-31T00:40:00.004+08:00

And so shall my heart's content be made known...

For so long I had spent my time thinking,
Analyzing,
On how I can change everything into your desire,

Using your past relationships to guide me on,
Motivating me to be that perfect love you need.

While they played behind your back, treating you like a tool,
I stood loyal to you, even when we're just dating,

While they neglected you, through activities and friends,
I put in a lot of effort trying to include you in all my activities, with all my friends,
To the extent you'll never complain about us not having quality time.

While they filled you in with sweet lies, clever humor to impress you,
I risked it all letting you see my every flaws,
Letting you know not just the good things I did,
But the worst things I've done,
I opened up with all honesty in exchange for your trust in me.

While they tried controlling your world,
I gave you freedom to go out with whoever you want,
Though there are times I actually mind,
It may seems shaky, but I trusted you enough that your emotions won't get in the way again,
Even when I seem to be insecure about it,

You know having you in my life is something to be so well damn secured about.

You can go on and keep saying I'm trying too hard,
And I'm telling you I won't, if I don't care for you just as much.

I have my flaws,
I have my mistakes.

Everyone have those,
The only differences is whether they learn from it,
They're willing to ask forgiveness for it,
And how they're willing to change it.

But no,
You don't see it that way.

You don't see it that way because you're seeing someone else while we're getting so close,
Hinting insecurity into my heart,

You don't see it that way because of my mistake in trusting you that you won't develop another set of emotions for that someone else,

You don't see it that way because you didn't bother to try and fix our problems when I'm so willing to.

You just don't see it that way because you're already in love with someone else.

Instead you totally gave up and left me there,
Making me believe your every little lies that it's never about someone else,
Assuring me we would still be friends.

Then you went silent,
And He came out from the blue calming me down with words after words,
Assuring me how everything's gonna be smooth-sailing for you from now on.

Presumably three days later,
I got on your profile and you guys are already attached.

It thrown me hard enough for me to be smiling in tears,
Partly insane, yet I got a hold on to myself.

I made the effort to make a video of us, of our memories as a last special gift I hoped you will treasure,
But someone who seems to be that nice guy talking to me,
Showed a totally opposite attitude right after he succeeded gaining your love and trust.

Telling someone who's suffering from his greatest wounds ever, things like "FUCKING MOVE ON.. IF YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH IT.. KILL YOURSELF."

And that's trust?

It's only the first day being in a relationship,
And he got himself insecure to that extent?

Yet you still can protect him saying this and that just because what?
He is your boyfriend?

Excused from all the negative facts?

You've set a fine example that you haven't changed a single bit,
Always acting too rashly,
Always blinded before the world.

3 days from a "break-up" and going into a relationship,
Do you dare call it "giving time" as we spoke of after visiting a friend in the hospital that night?

"4 years of waiting" and you can actually fall for it totally?

Now,
No more.

No more should I suffer for someone who claimed "there is no happiness with him" referring to me.

Which means all these while you were just faking everything,
The smiles,
The hugs,
The kisses,

And every special moments.

No more should I strain my time just to lead you towards your bright future.

I'll keep hurting myself with memories of you,
When all of these is over,
I'll make sure I put this strong immunity I'd gained into use and eventually stop caring for any relations to you.

I'm suffering to the extent I can get asthma-attacks everytime I found you in my deep memories,
My lungs are weak from all the heavy-smoking,
And there are times I don't know what I'm doing.

It's that bad,
If you still care.

Whether or not I'll still be here,
Let God decide.

But to the promise we've made together,
Only in death, will break it apart.

In this happiness you speak so highly about.

Be happy,
Lanny

A song to say Goodbye.

2010-03-29T08:58:00.002+08:00

With song regards to;

Sweet Misses - Melfraps
Mr Brightside (Cover) - Myself

The Last Straw

2010-03-24T10:57:00.004+08:00

The First time you left,
When I was but someone whose mysteries still uncovered,
Someone who was still wholesomely himself,
Arrogant and annoying, with a little bit of warmth that was longing to show itself

Strange on how I think about it now,
When we barely knew each other yet I gained so much trust in you,
So much hope,
I'd forget the world just to remember you

I can't blame it on our distance,
Because someone before you proved that untrue,
I can't blame it on your looks,
Because none I knew has really complimented you so much as they did to my ex-girlfriends,
Nor can I blame it on love at first sight,
For reasons you'll hate me for putting it here

Chemistry; as I've always spoke this word to you,
Conversations can never get bored and there's always something somewhere,
For you to go "SNAP-ing" all about,
It got me too close to you for comfort

You left eventually one day, without a single word,
It had me in a panic-shock, walking by our meet-up place at every opportunity,
You disappeared too suddenly,
Every second that ticks, I was praying hard,
That none of the scenarios in my mind were true

I got through you finally one day,
That strongest sense of relief I've ever felt,
Though until now, I'd still have doubts on the reasons you gave,
It doesn't matter back then, it's all about you still in my life

Then came that infamous phrase I wasn't expecting to hear,
"Can we just be friends?", came your voice over the phone,
It just struck me down too hard,
Both of us shed uncontrollable tears

The next thing I know,
You were already back to your "ex" boyfriend,
Even knowing how wrong it was for me to stay,
Somehow I had the feeling, it's me you really need

All I ever cared about then, was making you happy,
Making you smile again while your tears dries up,
Taking you to the brightest side of life,
Coming up with words of wisdom to strengthen every parts of you

I remembered while we were on the escalator in ION Orchard,
How you muttered that you understand how it felt in making people smile again,
Did you know it was one of the best phrases that ever came out from you?
That extreme warm sensation I felt circulating my blood

There was more than just chemistry then,
The strong emotions attached kept me from giving up,
Until the day you finally let go of your troubled past,
I took a step forward a little way too early

Coming up with a list of potentials,
Defining my character as the one you seemed to really need,
You set my hopes multiplying uncontrollably,
To the extent my paranoia followed suit

Budget pass office, the same place I first talked to you on the phone,
You named a man that was never in your list,
Stole your heart with clever humor and intriguing randomness,
That was the real start,
You saw the act of my paranoia at its worst

You felt too caged up, You felt I was trying too hard in desperation,
I kept pushing your mind hard for answers,
Getting too paranoid at tiny issues,
Leading you no longer to the bright side,
But to the end of the cliff

So it happened again, finding out you had to leave me for another,
Understanding too late that I was the cause of everything,
But still you forgave me,
Believing in my doubts that something is just not right in between you two

The day came when I brought you to someone who had the answers,
How the three of us gathered enough strength to get everything out from his mouth,
While I was relieved, I too was afraid to see you break in my view,
Yet I have to do what it takes to set your future bright again

Another era ended, and it took us some time,
Till you accepted me by your side again.

My life starts to have a meaning to it then,
All the days spent with you were some of the most special days I lived for,
Cuddling around, blowing on each other's tummy, roaring with laughter,
I was so much in love with you then

I wanted you to feel how special you are to me,
Browsing through the top most romantic restaurants to bring you on your special day,
Trying to come up with suprises that I hope will get you wanting more,
I'd sacrifice anything just to keep you here

You showed me more warmth,
You showed me more tender loving care,
Giving me the signs that you're starting to have faith in me,
That it's gonna affect you in everything I'm doing for myself

When you got all roughed up because my poly applications didn't go through as I planned it to be,
When you kept pestering me to appeal and even accompanying me to the respective polys,
How you got so mad because I drank,
And all the things I have to go through in my life,
You gave me so much reassurance that I would do it well

Yet I was blind.

I went back against my own words,
Or maybe worse.

How I've neglected you when you're watching me on webcam while I paid attention to games instead,
Even when you're on the phone I'd still yelling gibberish while playing.

How forceful I became to get things the way I want them to be.

Even though I managed to reduce the jealousy from the way it was before,
The negatives were still winning.

They were right,
I've changed.

I let me ego get the best of me again,
I let my paranoia blind me from your love again.

Perhaps,

That was the last straw.

And I've realised it all too late again.

I'm just too disgusted with myself now.

I beg your forgiveness, dearest love.

I'd forget the world just to remember you,
Lan

2010-03-23T03:57:00.001+08:00

In a speck of time,

Emotions changed.

Sigh.

2010-03-22T12:03:00.003+08:00

Keep the faith honey,

'Cause I know it gonna pays all the effort we made.

I love you baby.

:)

I will be.

2010-02-10T06:53:00.002+08:00

When things aren't looking up,
And everything you want is killing you every second that ticks,

You wish everything went perfect,
According to plan.

But when things seems too perfect,
Too secured,
Too comforting,

You begin having delusions something negatively huge is going to happen.

Thinking outside the box?
I gotta hate it sometimes.

"You sayang I tak?"
"Tak."
"Sumpah?"
"TAK!" *Kepala tergeleng-geleng*

Heh. :)

WHERETF IS MY COUNTDOWN PICS!?,
Lan

2010-01-29T04:37:00.002+08:00

Lacking of sleep,
Medications kept me sleepy the whole day,

But when the night comes and I have my opportunity to get a good rest,
Mind's being a bitch.

Thinking about all the unnecessary crap,
Imagining scenarios in my head all night long,
Depriving me from my much-needed rest,
Starting my morning shift feeling oh so lethargic.

Insomnia.

How much I hated you for coming back now of all time.
I can only hope this isn't going to bring me any problems I'm so tired to face again.

So please,
Just fuck off Insomnia.

And I miss you sweetheart,
Lan

2010-01-02T14:56:00.001+08:00

All the photos will be up real soon,

Stay tuned darlings.

All these things that I've done

2010-01-01T13:46:00.003+08:00

A New Year, A New Life

*****************************************************************************
A decision that shocked everyone,
An answer that broke hearts,
Tears of the new year spills in hurt,
I understand now, it was too difficult

We don't have to look back now,
Blessings has always come as a disguise,
That doesn't mean promises are to be broken,
But believe me, they will only strengthen

White flower clipped on a crumpled paper,
That three letters I had been believing was the answer,
Two named strings left untied in your possession,
This white blazer, wet with emotions

Let us hold our heads up high now,
We've gotten through times of difficulties,
A new year, a new life to begin,
Will you let us forgive each other's sins?

Be strong now while time heal all these wounds,
Thankful I am, for putting me through this test,
Put your hands into mine, hammering out these dents,

We'll continue pursuing our dreams to the fullest extent.

- Lan :)

*****************************************************************************

With regards to Melfraps' 5th and most major performance,
In the event JamIt2010 Countdown Party at Woodlands,

All I can say it was too bloody amazing,
But bloody unfortunately,

You gotta wait till I have the bloody pictures,
To start off with the bloody details,
On how it went bloody well.

Now now,
Coming to 2010,

I know I had not posted any New Year Resolutions to start with.

But that's fine by me,
All I can say is I just wanna be brighter than ever,

Not just physically,
Not just mentally,

But realistically.

Go figure.

Never would I have thought though,
I had enough courage to actually turn to my ma,
Having tears in my eyes so heavy,
That she actually grabbed my hand tight to console me.

I've admitted my deepest secrets I kept from her,
I was too disturbed, too stressed up,

All I ever wanted on a New Year was to seek forgiveness from her,
For all these things that I've done.

She filled me with warmth,
With words so comforting,

She understood me clearly,
Of all the past worst mistakes I've done,

It was the first in the long run,
I had cried so badly in front of my ma.

But it was worth it,
It was all worth it,

Not only she forgives me,
But she forgives you as well.

And that's the reason why I came up with this entry,

I'm too proud of my ma.

As she is too proud of me.

Thank you for the wake.

There's none other lady I love more than you mother,
Lan

Chance

2009-12-31T00:53:00.003+08:00

Dear Natalie,

I turned to look at you,
Coming to us with another guy tagging,
There was no arrows of cupid hitting me,
Love at first sight was plain bullshit then

You weren't anything special,
You weren't anyone I would have wanted to know,
With MSNs exchanged due to our locations,
Lustful hearts exchanged their blows

Heading into work with my phone ringing,
Our first conversation pinches me in amazement,
None I knew could have match my mind so often,
A sense of perfection, a taste of chemistry

Never had I expected, my barrier weakens for you,
That light you showed within, had me staying,
Someone whom my efforts was never regretted,
Feel my warmth, while I shine on you

I've traveled through the land that rained spears,
Splintering trust, stabbing emotions,
Though somehow I reached the end with unbroken will,
A dream I pursue, Reality shall make it true

I've stood through that driving rain,
Eagerly waiting for that light to shine me through,
There's nothing more in me, you've yet to know,
This test you've completed, you had never turned back

With faith,
Will you accept my every sides I've showed?

With trust,
Will you listen to my will of rebuilding it into perfection?

With loyalty,
Will you put the freedom I will give into good use?

With honesty,
Will you believe it'll solve your deepest lies?

With Love,
Will you accept this risk,
Possibly losing someone for another,

And let me light your heart into a life everyone had been struggling to live?

May the Sun smiles on the stars that sparkles in their darkest hour.

I love you,
Lanny

Melfraps Unofficial Photoshoot

2009-12-28T00:47:00.003+08:00

Warm greetings to all SLN-readers.

I'm back,

In black.

So yes,
Prior the our most major gig ever at Woodlands this countdown,
Melfraps has decided to hold a photoshoot in order to,

Well,
To be proud of how we look like in 2009.

Sorry can't think of better excuses.

Anyway we had to leave Mr Drummer out,
I mean people hardly see the drummer anyway during gigs.

I know,
Another stupid excuse.

So here goes.

Interviewing our bassist and his soulmate on "marriage"

Although its isn't the answer we're looking for, they prefer "shotgun marriage"

We are also known as the Mafias who kidnaps anyone not wearing black

Although sometimes mishaps do happen,

Happy kids, Happy times

Heh.

Wan is gay.

He still is.

I'm bringing back sexy legs

And Wandergay is bringing sexy gay back

I'm white.

As white as I can be!

I got diamond in between my legs, my legs, my legs

Rock never die even when I'm dead

I can't resist the camera,

Everybody loves Wan.

We boys loves to get behind girls, if ya know what I'm saying,

Waterboy photo shoot.

HEHHHHH!

Toyol Cowboy.

The best example of Muker-tak-perlu,

S-Jibeng in Melfraps,

Our new drumer is a cowgirl.

The odd one out will always be an odd one out.

Looking at the sky, wearing black.

I CAN'T COMMENT AND I DON'T KNOW WHY!

Uh. Heh. AHAHA. FUH. Ok I need to control myself.

Alien vs Predator.

That's pretty much all.

To those who is interested for the countdown gig,
Do visit JamIt2010 Site

The day's coming nearer,
Lan

If you can't hold on, Hold on

2009-12-19T01:39:00.003+08:00

Thank you,
For coming back when I needed someone the most.

I felt bad when you came back to Singapore and I totally had no clue about it,
If not I would have been there at the airport waiting,
Holding a paper that states your name in front of the arrival hall.

It was great to finally had a chance,
Catching up things with you,
And congrats again for your overseas degree.

:)

Now as to keep my word on whatever I told you earlier.

Now that's officially the longest chat log I've posted,
Lan

Just a little patience

2009-12-15T21:28:00.002+08:00

It's just conversation like this,
That makes you think who you used to be,
Who you're supposed to be,

And who you actually are.

These changes ain't changing me,
The gold-hearted boy I used to be.

Welcome home,

Mr Brightside.

Realization

2009-12-15T04:59:00.003+08:00

May 2009,
Happy and free,
With no one else around.

Just you, me, and no complications.

I've waited patiently for that opportunity,
That opportunity to come back to the moment,
Where both of us can make any stupid crap into topics in MSN,
Prolonging conversations doesn't even need thinking,
When going out was the best way to spend your day with so much joy.

I guessed I screwed everything up,
Screwed the hopes, screwed the opportunities,
Screwed the emotions,
And I see that now.

I was too desperate.

Too desperate when an opportunity present itself,
Too desperate that I ended up forcing you into shits,
Too desperate that I got paranoid over the littlest of things.

I made a grave mistake,
Instead of perfecting myself on how I was back then,
I talked about others,
I talked too much about others and I ended pissing you off again and again.

I realised all this too late,
I have been pushing all the blame on you,
I've pushed all the pressure on you,
I always think that I'm right,

But no,
That thought was a grave mistake itself.

I bombard your soul with questions after questions,
I got annoyed when I don't get an answer,
I got paranoid when I get an answer.

You were right about me,
I was trying too hard,

I was too desperate.

I just want to throw my ego away,
I've only realised all these tonight,
I was too unfair to you,
Yet I can still proclaimed myself being your saviour.

I'm finally back to my senses,
I really am.

And now,
I beg for your forgiveness,
I deeply apologise for whatever I''ve done all these while since November,
I finally understand what you meant when you said you're suffocating because of me.

Because I pushed everything to you.

I'm sorry.
I really am.
I apologised thousand of times,

But this,
Is my most important apology to you.

I give you my word,
This will be the turning point for me.
Maybe for you too.

Forgive me,
For whatever I've done.

I've been blinded by my own mind all these while.

Please sunshine,
Forgive me,

For this realization will greatly help me out,
Give me a chance to feel myself again.

For the Lan you knew on Mayday,
I seek your forgiveness.

Oh and,

I miss you.

Thank you God for opening my eyes,
Lan

I Love You

2009-12-14T05:34:00.000+08:00

I love you and no matter how much i try,
I just cant leave you.
No matter how many problems you gave me,
When sometimes you even hung up on me.

I kept craving to have you in front of me.

I just have this desire to touch you everywhere,
And the more you felt me,
The more you want it in you.

And I just can't resist putting it in you,

Because I wanted more.

Lets get to my room together again,
I'll make you feel beautiful.

I love you,

My new handphone.

Now let me put it in you,
Charge you to full batt,
And I can continue touching you later.

Wait,

Did I just caught YOU fantasizing?

I'm touching you again in my uniform,
Lan

Something for you

2009-12-11T20:20:00.003+08:00

[5.00 - 5.23]

I've been walking these streets at night,
Just trying to get it right,
It's hard to see with so many around,
You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd

And the streets don't change but maybe the name,
I ain't got time for the game,

'Cause I need you.

Just a little patience,
Lan

I'm so much older than I can take.

2009-12-08T00:47:00.000+08:00

Photo of 2006. (Thus the long hair duh)

So it was World AIDS day two days ago,
On the first day of the last month.

In other words,
My Birthday.

Now before I got on to my special birthday entry.

So yes,
Our most major performance yet.

So if you don't have any plans yet for countdown this year,
Do come down for this event with your loved ones.

Ticket price and event details are located HERE

Woofy,
You are EXPECTED to come,
Stay,
Until the fireworks are done.

Because I'm about to give you my own new year fireworks.

To everybody else,

Event: Jam It 2010 Countdown Party
Date: 31 December 2009
Time: 7:30pm – 12:30am (Performances will start at 8pm)
Venue: Field beside Woodlands Civic Centre

Come and witness Singapore's very own glam rock band on stage.

Muahs.

OKAY BIRTHDAY ENTRY NEXT!

From twenty to twenty-one,
Only a number different but a whole fuckload of major changes happened in my life.

And most importantly,
I'm beginning to understand,
How my mind works and the positives it brings to my daily life.

From the most emotional of days,

To the happiest moment of my life,

These, I'll definitely treasure till the day I go black and white in the papers.

From Melfraps being just a simple band who occasionally hangs out at Starbucks and got their name,

To the day we played our own songs and people remember our name.

And of course,

From one cat,

To three feline partnas,

And of course,
I found someone who exceeds all my expectations in its similarity to me.

An adventure like none other.

The birth of great chemistry.

Please meet,

My darling.

Fuck,
I tried to control myself.

But fuck,

I fucking laughed.

So yeah anyway.

1st December 2009 was the best birthday celebration I had yet.

The suprise was the worst though,
It's like an elven arrow piercing straight through my heart without me knowing.

Still,
That arrow somehow became one with my blood and slips through into my heart.

Shit.

Fuck myself for being sucha Casanova here.

Anyway woofy decides to be funny and played this prank,
When I decided to just give up and go to sleep,
A hand appeared at my window and I could have sworn I heard pesticide spraying.

"Psst psst."

I got up and turned my head,
Facing the opened window with wind blowing on my face,
Shutting my eyes to avoid the poisonous gas from reaching me.

I peeked.

It was a hand.

It was a fucking hand.

I walked to the window,
Peeking outside slightly angered by the fact someone actually disturbed me from sleeping.

I saw a face,

I SAW A FUCKING MOLE!

Anyway dear woofy gave me a small cute cake,
While I got myself ready to go on a birthday celebration I have been waiting for all these years;

With a loved one.

I donned on blue,
Got down,
Woofy wore blue,

The sky is blue.

And out of the blue,
We got on the train as she leads me to my next birthday suprise.

Bloody ass.

Fast forwarding the storyline,
We reached some place I've never been,

And there you go,
In a place where I've never been and wants to be in.

A karaoke lounge.

A FUCKING KARAOKE LOUNGE.

TWO FUCKING VOCALISTS IN A FUCKING KARAOKE LUNGE.

Anyway the receptionist was pretty hot,
But fuck that.

Three hours of pure singing to Aqua songs was sizzling hot.

Well yeah,
Woofy wanted to bring me to a restaurant but somehow it grew legs,
And ran away before we got to it.

That's okay darling,
All hope is not lost.

Muah.

So to cut this story short and have my sleep long,
Many things kinda happened on the day,
But I prefer keeping it to myself.

Now,
I have more things to do.

So I might not be updating for quite awhile.

Till the next entry with New Year Resolutions and Evolutions.

Portuguese kisses to all my readers.

For I'm too scared to say "I need you",
Lan

2009-12-04T01:45:00.002+08:00

I'm supposed to complete an entry with regards to my birthday about two days ago,
But shits had to happen.

Not physically.

Not mentally.

Not emotionally.

But technically.

What I'm tryna say is,
My comp went into restart and has been restarting ever since.

I'm back at the very thingy I'd complained about hitting /// everytime I wanna press enter,
And the only reason why you look so fucking clueless now is because you didn't read my older entries.

So yeah,
Since I'm not on my own desktop PC,
I don't have the rest of the pictures needed to complete my b'day entry.

But to sum it all up before I get back to my fuckerestarting comp,

I am a very happy 21 year old bo- *coughs* -man.

Hi-5 to anyone who actually had bowmen in their mind.

I Woof You Darlie,
Lan

She's crazy like a fool, what about daddy cool?

2009-11-22T18:34:00.002+08:00

Singapore,

Is made up of Singaporeans.

Wait what?

Since the past,
Singapore has always been a trade industry,
And as time goes by,
It implements the tourism industry too.

So what do you get when you mix Trade and Tourists?

Foreign talents.

Introducing the PRCS,

And ze Banglas.

I'm not trying to diss neither the chinese nor the indians,
Mind you,
I'm talking about foreign workers.

Plus point;
Even our National Football team is made up mostly of foreigners.

But no,
That still doesn't piss me off that much.

If you're a malay/indian and looking for jobs,
You should know the same pain I'm having.

Almost all the jobs requires the infamous "able to speak English and Chinese",
Up till now I never seen one that requires Malay or Tamil.

Whatever happened to English being our first language?

Best part is,
They began to recruit PRCs.

Hell I'm fine with it as long it doesn't involve any communication and sort,
But what the fuck are they thinking when they place this PRCs as bus drivers?

So lets say there's one old makcik who doesn't know how to speak english boarded the bus,
Needed to ask questions on where the bus is heading,
Her grandson try to translate her words into english.

And what do they get?
The trademark jaw-dropping PRC's style with a fucken loud "HAHHH NI SHI SHERRR???"

Honestly,
I never really had any problems with foreign workers except for the classic aromas in the train and buses,
You know who I'm referring to.

But ever since I stepped into the police force,
Nothing irritates me more than handling a PRC.

You can talk nicely to a fellow problematic bangla and he'll just nod his head and walk off,

But a PRC?

Their stubborness,
Loudness,
Facial expression-ness,
Makes me wish I'm on some other country where pointing a gun onto someone face is a normal thing to do.

Singapore is a safe country,
But they abuses that fact to its limits.

Okay fine,
Actually I'm stressed at updating myself with the world.

You know reading the papers and looking at the job trend,
But in actual fact I'm preparing to pursue my diploma once I'm done with NS,
And the job trends will help alot in me making my decision into pursuing whatever field.

"must be able to communicate in chinese"

Tsk.

I'm crazy like a fool,
Lan

Gatsby

2009-11-19T17:28:00.000+08:00

Before I set off to work,

Lets have another WTF moment with me.

Alright bye my darling midgets,
Lan

The devil's water it ain't so sweet.

2009-11-15T13:43:00.002+08:00

Just amazing what red bull can do to you.

Anyway,
Thanks to some recommendation by a reservist I worked with,

Here you go.

PCK interview,
Ris Low style.

Happy and free,
Lan

2009-11-14T19:37:00.002+08:00

Darling you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I'll be here 'til the end of time
So you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

Always tease tease tease
You're happy when I'm on my knees
One day is fine, next is black
So if you want me off your back
Well come on and let me know
Should I Stay or should I go?

Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
An' if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know

This indecision's bugging me
If you don't want me, set me free
Exactly who'm I'm supposed to be
Don't you know which clothes even fit me?
Come on and let me know
Should I cool it or should I blow?

Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
So you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

Nothing like a typical lyrics + video entry.

Fuck you paranoia,
Lan

A letter to the world

2009-11-11T17:59:00.002+08:00

Promises were never meant to be broken,
It was meant to be kept,
The word "promise" has a power within it,
Unfortunately most abuses its power.

You don't promise to drag someone closer to you,
You don't promise to get out of trouble,
You don't promise to make someone feel better,

But you promise when you swore an oath deep inside your heart,
And you'll do anything not to break it,

Because it will break you.

Don't promise if you can't keep it,
If breaking promises is easy for you,
Receiving broken promises are difficult for everyone.

Promise,
And stay true to it.

They are meant to be kept.

I said maybe, baby, please.

2009-11-09T11:00:00.002+08:00

Before anything else,

Watch this two plain stupid videos I've come upon.

The first was due to downright bad acting,
With a fly just happens to make it worse.

The second,
Hell.

All I remember doing when I first saw the video,
Was shoving my middle finger up towards my monitor,
Literally giggling and muttering "what the fuck" with both of my eyebrows lifted.

Like come on,
All I have to say about that clip has already been said.

Heh.

Now if you look even more closely,
At the part when the poor horse sliding,

Legs were tied,
And they're wheels at the side which I believe they used some kind of cart,
To pull it over to the other side.

Animals were hurt in the making of this movie,

And I'm damn sure of it.

But of course,
Comedy won't be born without movies like these.

Movies that will eventually make poor Bran stoned for 3 hours and a quarter.

Now now,
Time for some feline talk.

Cassie

Don't mind that baboon face stuck there,
If ya know what I meant.

Anyway,
She was spayed around last week or so,
Sterilised if you had no idea what I'm talking about.

The vet doctor who was in-charge of her was being an ass,
Either that or she's someone new.

Cass was practically covered in dried blood on some parts of her fur,
That was not the case when my sister sent our Yaya several years ago.

On the very same night,
I got a difficult time getting over myself just by looking at her,
Walking like some drunkard and ALWAYS tried to climb on anyone's lap,
Shoving her head and getting a sleep.

I'm telling you,
That was one pitiful sight,
So clear she was in pain.

Yet she still tried to jump on the couch and makes me go "SHIT" everytime.

Thank god she recovered just fine.

There you go,
Lucky me the stitches didn't came off.

Let us all wish for her to grow back fur on her tummy,
For the sole reason she looks naked without em.

Sigh.

And as for Bran,

I'm still giving him the best shelter he'll ever wished for.

Not to forget another feline friend whom me and aneh came upon the other night,

We eventually named him "Bulat" due to his round face.

Funny cat,
Caught her several times "gliding" onto the floor,
She's just one fucking friendly feline whom we both know deserves better.

Her breathing was rough,
And her meow doesn't sound normal.

Let us all hope someday she'll be saved from this wilderness of Simei.

With all that said,
I know there's still like half a year more to go before I'm done serving NS.

But the stress for the future has already gotten to me.

My parents so badly wanted me to sign-on as a full-pledged policeman,
My dad especially,
Talking as if he's one retired officer,
Refusing to accept my "beg-to-differ" talk even when I'm the one actually experiencing all these government crap.

If that's not bad enough,
My plans to actually take on private diploma seems to have faded out,
When I actually did my research only to find out you can't actually go anywhere with a private dip cert,
Unless you're continuing to a private degree which I found to be in lesser recognition or at most equal to a polytechnic's diploma.

What if I'm taking poly and spent 3 more years instead of that one year in private institution?

I'll be like 25 when I'm done,
When my plan was bringing back salary by the time I'm 23.

Then the courses.

Torn between IT, Business and of course Psychology,
All three I have experience in,
And all three I have interests in.

But which could have actually pulled me to greater heights?

Dear readers,
Do me this favour.

If you have any knowledge on any institutions that offers RECOGNISED private diplomas,
Any courses that actually uses all three points I'm experienced in.

Please notify me.

Right now I'm looking at Dip in;
Psychology,
Business IT
IT
Cyber & Security
Human Resource & Psychology
Business Informatics
Music something something in SP.

Help me out I need it,
Lan

Hari Raya 2009 Special: The fuckload of Melfraps + Jantan Brothers Raya Pics

2009-10-16T23:43:00.004+08:00

Apologies for the long wait,
It's just that everytime I wanted to blog about something,
Something else caught up with me.

Be it phone calls,
Cass & Bran getting into trouble,
Or probably I just got too caught up being horny and ended up gear-shifting for hours in the toilet.

Now that I'm back,
Let's get to the fuckload-of-pics section,

Right,
The pics.

Melfraps Raya 2009

From left to right;

Lead Guitarist Azroy from Big Momma house
Drummer Khairi from Dumb & Dumber,
Rhythm Guitarist Azhar from Jeritan Sepi
Bass Guitarist Riduwan from Journey to the West (Sun Wukong a.k.a golden monkey),
Vocalist Azlan from Ju-On

With special guests

Covering Assistant Manager Liana from Alice in Wander(boy)land,
Manager Hidayah from Honey I Shrunk The Kids
Tech-Expert Sam from Sammyboyforum.com.sg. (Hidden)

Thus,
Begins the story of..

I Still Don't Know What They Did Last Raya

3rd October 2009,
1600 hours

I stood at the darkest lit corner of my house,
Awaiting the greatest summoners the world has to offer.

They were late,
Like they always does.

And when they don't,
I'll be late,

Always will.

One by one,
They came,
Boasting their knowledge of hidden powers that no other being can surpass.

The Master of Black Magic,

Roy.

He has the ability to camouflage himself when the going gets tough,
Sneaking across the darkest streets of the Lion City,

And yes,
That only applies when it's dark.
I mean,

Black.

Everyone except banglas fears him.

So does food.

Secondly,
The Apprentice of Illusion,

Zhar.

While lowering his weight to as light as 10g,
And expanding his suit to trap winds,

It's not a bird,
Not a plane,

But a pervert flying above to see cleavages.

Big busts in tank tops fears him.

The Eye of Moron,

Wan.

If his towering figure of 230cm isn't enough to keep watch on the battle that awaits,
His stare alone kills the enemies due to laughter that awaits.

Alias Kadir fears him.

The Changeling,

Khai.

If you have ever need of an assassin,
He's the one for the job.

Arm with two daggersticks,
Throwing cymbals,

And the look of a cold-blooded killer/paedophile,

Kids fear him.

The Expert at Beast Arts,

Dayah.

Dang.

We love her.

Accompanied by the Beastkeeper,
Liana,

....
.....We love her more.

P/S: CHECK OUT THAT SEXY ARSE.

So you think I'm actually gonna waste my precious time doing stories after these introductions?

Hell no,
Not this time.

Pictures as per normal.

At my house.

Khai trying to turn kids on, with a twist to the story.

Big Momma's Bus Stop

Happy Kids

He won't stop.

When women doesn't want to be touch.

And he's still preying on kids

When kids doesn't want Khai, Roy getting possessed, and Zhar's nose getting digged.

Uh.

Camouflage doesn't work on my couch.

I thought food makes men happy?

Maharaja of Uzbekistan

My wife, Mother-in-Law, and Father-in-Law

Sam just had to turn his gold-plated back, back.

When Roy walked out of the bathroom bottomless

Sam still couldn't contain his disgusts even after Roy donned his armor back.

Kami dari Hamid and Sons and Daughter ingin mengucapi..

Selamat Hari Raya!

My second wife and first brother-in-law hella confusing I know. and my confused face?

The joy of seeing an 18 year old in fbt.

Sleepy-heads in a cramped car

Lontong wheel-of-fortune

The best thing about Sam's house...his sister.

Trying to get my third marriage going.

She loves it fast. Sorry Sam I just had to do it.

Mana tu budak mau kasi kicap sama dia?

Happy ending for happy people.

End of Melfraps.

To wrap this up,
Here's the pics for the Jantan Brothers Raya trip on 4th October.

Yeah I know I'm starting to grow downhill,
You seriously gotta hate my mood swings sometimes.

JB Raya 2009
4th October 2009

Trying to balance a plate of crackers isn't as easy as it may sounds like.

Finally, a raya partner.

Fadhli lover, Fadhli, Fadhli ex-lover

Calling all musclemen to dickslap these faces.

Ze Godfather

Black partners white when it comes to JB

Dia sengih, aku senyum.

Erm.

Don't worry, they're normal.

Canadian Pizza is also invited for raya.

Zimbabwe next top model

Faroe Island manhunt

Just. Look. At. Fad. Face.

Is huda's lips open or not? You decide.

Before I forgot, my house is the natural meet up place for raya.

Cause I'm Mr Brightside.

Lucky Fad, Arfah sure has stunning eyes.

The magic is in my palm.

Abang-abang polisi.

S.Jibeng and K.Kobeng

Happy Times.

Orang Kampung dan Orang Belanda.

Arfah cute.

In the wild. (I FUCKEN SMILE MY TEETH OUT!)

Shita's Crib of Pizzas.

Ahh, more shades.

Chelsea vs Liverpool

The actual couple for the night. God bless you both.

Apologising session turns funny.

Come baby light my fire.

The White People.

The Jantan Miang.

Indonesia Flag.

Couple for the night.

GOODBYE.

I know it's one entry with fuckload of pics,
But again I stress out my apologies for the lack of content.

Something happened,
So I had to rush it all out.

And I still have my private blog to take care of.

You and I could use a little patience,
Lan

And Cassie pulled the trigger

2009-09-27T02:16:00.002+08:00

Kitty Porn for everyone!

They just can't understand one another when it comes to fun.

Sigh.

Nenek rambut putih, Datuk janggut merah

2009-09-22T02:09:00.002+08:00

I know it's a tad too late,
Obviously every Muslims around the world got too caught up with Raya-ing.

Although I belong to the sad 1/5 of them.

I actually spent the last day of Ramadhan inside budget terminal issuing passes to people,
And the first day of Raya inside Terminal 3 doing the same thing.

So,

I find it strange though,
On how I've seen groups of raya-monsters in the baju kurungs/kebayas there,
At an insane 2 am in the morning?

And the teenage girls were actually at the kids corner watching cartoons?

With the parents sitting around at the playground area?

Damn.

If I wasn't in uniform I would have screamed, run around them and dash out of their sight.
And review their expressions on the face inside the cctv room.

I know it's gonna be far worse than their confused look when two policemans carrying macdonalds plastic bags walked past them.

Fucking sweet stuffs in kebayas,
We are humans who loves macdonalds too.

We're lovin it,
Parappapapa!

And talking about rayaing,
I haven't did so since the first day,
Which eventually consists of my cousins coming over just before I went off to work.

Reason being so was due to my late grands has stand down from being the first one we have to visit on the start of raya,
My parents then took their place since they are currently the oldest.

Yet I got myself two packets of raya-toto,
Suprising that I'm still able to get at this age,

Heh.

Although the only time I actually spent time outside with my family,
Was going over to simpang bedok last night and meet my other cousins there,

Not that it worth a mention so..

Cass has started it again.

I know it's sudden,
But this,
My fellow readers,

Worth a mention.

To those sexual predators who preys on kids,
Ever consider my kids?

My kittens?

You see,
I ran out of pay can to get the both of em for some sterilisation and ends their intimate dramas everywhere in the household.

Before kitty-sex

Bran wanting a handjob

After kitty-sex

Cass turning her attention to me

So happy together. :)

Wanting more?

Brandon is truly a bi

With all that said,
It's time to do some serious planning on the four raya groups.

And may Melfraps do their raya stuff for the first time.

Dua tiga kucing berlari-lari di rumahku syurgaku,
Lan

Crashing cars, in his brain.

2009-09-09T22:36:00.004+08:00

First things first,

Ultimate Randomness Act.

A conversation gone wrong

When I was young and chubby -.-

For once, faf actually loves my eyes

Cass bertaik mata

Bran terror-mode

Yaya shoving her nose to the cam

The worst start of the month in my life?

So it happened.

Problems sure didn't waste anytime,
Bombarding me everywhere day after day,
For the first few weeks of September.

In a strange way it doesn't even feel like weeks,
Perhaps more.

Sigh.

Fighting for Cass n Bran for their worth to be kept at home,
Leads to work where my insomnia and fatigue took its heavy toll on me and force mistakes out of me,
Results in me getting blacklisted between colleagues and my superiors.

And me catching an on-and-off fever ever since the start of these problems.

If that and my own personal problems wasn't bad enough,

My beloved grandpa passed away just last two days ago.

After he semi-recovered from coma like 2-3 months ago,
I didn't make time to visit him since.

He called for me when my family visited him but I wasn't around.,
I had free time accompanying me yet I failed to make good use of them.

Until it's too late.

Maybe,
As a way to pay back,
I was granted an opportunity by my uncle to give my late grandpa his last bath,
For the first time ever in my life.

My closest cousins were there to help out too.

That was an experience not to be forgotten,
I even had my fever shot up to a good 39.8 degrees.

Lucky me I had my two days leave to cover for all that.

Anyway,
I hope you're doing good gramps.

On a lighter note,
You passed on in a good month.

God bless you, Gramps.

That's about it for some fucking-emo talk.

Now now,
I'm still dying to actually break fast with important people in my life,

Heck,
Until now I haven't even got any chance to actually break fast with my family.

Anyway,
Do ring me up if you feel like breaking fast with me,
I'm still looking for people to do it with before Raya which is coming too early.

Now now,
Before I go off.

And this,
Reminds me alot of you faf.

Heh.

I'm smelling payday,
Lan

See alone we stand, Together we'll fall apart.

2009-09-02T01:01:00.003+08:00

Ze good times.

Open your eyes,
Look around you,
Will you let the sources of happiness dies?
By not spending time thinking it through?

Shades of blue trapping me in,
Finding words to get yourself out,
Is this the life you find worth living?
Running and fighting everyday through the crowd?

Perhaps one day you'll realize what I've been doing,
Maybe one day is a day too late,
Still I believe and keep on going,
From negativity, for you I will shade

I'm not letting you be consumed by this cruel fate.

Do not admit defeat,
Lan

I'm in no hurry, You go run and tell your friends I'm losing touch (Happy 20th, Sharifah Muafah) :)

2009-08-25T03:44:00.003+08:00

Before I start anything else,
With reference to the latest message on my tagboard by my one and only ayam.

Absolutely,
9 year old Yaya ze Siamese sidekick is still here with us.

And she's getting along well with Cass n Bran after months of rocket-science-like training of them.

Also,
I know this might be a little too late but heck,

I'm gonna do it anyway.

HAPPY BELATED 20-CENT BIRTHDAY TO MY ARABIAN FELINE SIDEKICK!

And to celebrate this big event for someone who just lost her vir-
I mean teenage years.

Even though I know she's going to be mad at me,
For estimatedly 4 hours before I can get my apologies through her.

Behold,

The picture which she spent the whole night pleading to me not to put it up,
Which was like 3 or 4 months ago.

Heh.

The picture of Faf,

In awe looking at me performing.

Now my arabian hot chick,
Don't get mad at me because of that,
In fact,

To me,

You look kinda cute with that steamy eyes and "awww my brandonn" body language.

*shakes my head away from staring into em eyes*

Oh.

Pretty white cat.

*winks*

And yes,
Finally we really had a chance to go out sama2 makan2 berbual karut.

Combo of Killers' fans

Sorry hubbypies,
Seems like I'm still "brighter" than ya.

Fat hope wishing I'll get dark during camp days eh?

Now now,
I've yet to have my Ma's special Murtabak Maggi along with Naz and Mat,
Who stayed overnight with me after sucha long time.

Before I close this entry off,

I'm missing you like fuck.

Melfraps.

It's been far too long since I last had meet-ups with em.

Jom la buka sama-sama!

I guess that is all.

And my last gift to ze feline-sidekick.

Over and out,
Lan

Diinginnya di malam ini, Suasana pilu!

2009-08-22T05:10:00.002+08:00

Time flies,
Doesn't it?

Back when I caught myself puffing entire pack for the whole day,
The next came challenging me.

Let us all welcome,
The month of Ramadhan.

Which in a strange way got me imagining my pa's face.

Kudos to those who knows why.

Heh.

It's been long,
Far too long that I actually did my sahur (Pre-fast meal),
The usual Lan's way.

Sausage McMuffin with egg meal,
Addition of an Egg McMuffin.

Just the way I did it almost every single day in the previous fasting month.

Now I'm freaking bloated.

So to all the Muslims out there,
All the best in this fasting month.

Estimatedly 14 hours of no food,
No sex,
No puffs,
No nothing.

:)

You know you can do it,
Lan

Your subtleties, it strangles me.

2009-08-13T19:27:00.002+08:00

Almost two weeks of no updates,
Sigh.

And I don't really have anything nice to talk about anyway.

About my a week plus of hiatus;

Busy.

With Cass & Bran under my care,
And a new supervisor entering the ranks of team Charlie in Airport Police,
What more personal problems that seems to increase at every single opportunity.

But my main concern lies in work,
Or NS if based on the way I would have call it back in camp days.

The 132th intake got together for camwhore,
Missing critical ones that would have made the place more lively.

One who has been with us,
Especially myself,
Would have seen the strengthening bond in the team these days.

And that really put my mind off other things,
Making coming to work is like meeting up friends to go sheesha with.

Work aside,
I've been buying up games with my improved pay lately.

Three kinds of Dynasty Warriors,
I know it's more of a game the Chinese would have been playing.

But heck,
Told ya I'm multi-racial.

Ancient chinese history is rather interesting too.

While we have Hang Tuah,
They have Cao Cao,

And it doesn't matter for the indians.

Sir S R Nathan was never history.

All the games I need now,
Is necessary for this rather troublesome situation I'm in.

Used to be one loser kid who never get any,
Now He gave me four and I've started wishing I didn't have any.

So it still comes down to graying myself up,
Again.

My apologies to all those that may concern,
For my rare mood swings to come now.

I hope all of you understand the situation I've been trapped in.

Till the next hopefully soon yet detailed update that consists of plain crap,
Lan

2009-08-02T02:50:00.002+08:00

Before anything else,
Believe me now,
When I say cats apparently are humans in their past lives.

Bran had this ability too,
Though I failed at getting a shot at it,

Maybe next time perhaps.

So to start the topic.

You may have heard of Cosplay,
Halloween,

And all the such that requires you to have a costume to plant yourself in for,
And all that just isn't my stuff.

But GO is definitely is.

What is GO?

Glamorous Outing a.k.a Glam Out

I don't know what they call it in the states,
When all the girls dress up to their best and went shopping and all,

But here and now,
It's GO for me.

I know whatever I'm gonna type next may increase the chances of people mistaking me for a girl,
A classy girl if that counts,

But hell who cares about girly or no when you're out to enjoy.

Now now,
My idea for a perfect GO. (Glam Out for you hard-to-remember-idiotas)

1) Classy clothes or maybe just enough for you to look like a big-fuck artist.
2) Hair-do before anything else. I'm talking about styling up the hair naturally.
3) More-than-usual amount of cash in your wallet.
4) Shopping spree.
5) Dining at a classy restaurant. MUST BE HALAL.
6) Karaoke. NO PRCS OR OTHER FOREIGN WORKERS WHO BLOWS YOU WHEN YOU SING.
7) Attending a local band concert. MUST AVOID MOSHING AT ALL TIMES ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE WEARING WHITE.
8) 24/7 Smoke Breaks.
9) Be polite to everyone with a smile and not be stuck up.
10) Be polite to the MRT passengers. MUST OFFER SEATS TO PREGNANTEENS.
11) Sign autographs on 'Missing Dog' posters.
12) Sign autographs everywhere else with a "(name) was here on (date)" written above.
13) Go to a pet show. CATS ARE TOP PRIORITY.
14) It's okay to make a fool out of yourself, but don't make a fight of yourself.

Last but not least.

15) Photoshoot. NO MIDDLE FINGERS.

So anyone up for some GO-ing?

Well then,
Let me finish this post off with more Cass&Bran pics.

:)

Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll for me,
Lan

In many ways, they'll miss the good old days

2009-07-27T03:55:00.002+08:00

After hanging out with 2 of the infamous Jantan Brothers of ITE Macpherson,
It's been getting to me,

I've been missing school all too much.

The times when JB got themselves completed,

To the day everyone parted to their own paths,

To all that matters,

Pics from the last two nights outing with J.Binawe + J.Bising,
Too bad I can't really put myself in the title of J.Braces anymore.

Cyclops?

She's only fairer because she put on make up

Till the next detailed update,
Lan

2009-07-25T02:00:00.001+08:00

Can you keep me your dirty little secret?

:)

And my lips, they don't kiss the way they used to

2009-07-19T19:39:00.004+08:00

This entry will consists a fuckload of Cass & Bran photos,
And a video of my near-fatal injury too,
So to all who wants to ogle at these two siblings I've been taking care of,

You may proceed.

And as a start,
Let me present you a photo I've finally got hold of.

The blur-cock Cassie

Spot her lucky-spot (So this Cassie too has a lucky spot eh?)

Ms Brightside

Getting high with me

Siblings love

This is a fact,
I was gonna talk about Brandon,
Who suddenly just came hopping onto my lap a second ago.

Heh.

Anyway as I was saying,
Observe,

The photogenic one.

Jealousy, turning saints into the sea

Sister-lepak

Don't ask me why, it somehow look appetising to me

After their first shower ever

I love them to the extent of making them this :)

Now now,
I said earlier about my near-fatal injury, no?

This video below,
Is the aftermath of showering the kittens

So much for being the elder one,
Cass "screamed" all the way in the shower.

While Bran only reacted negatively only when the shampoo landed on him,
Heh.

That's all I have with regards to them now.

I don't know what they told you,
But you rather believe them than me,
All I wanted was to keep you happy,
But you put on problems on your own shoulders,

Problems that should have never existed in reality.

I am not what you think I am,
Doesn't mean I'm playing in a band you can just categorize me in the same position of your ex-es,

Snap out of it,
If you can always sense things just by staring at my eyes,
Then do it.

You talked about lacking trust,
Look at who's the one making it difficult for both of us?

Snap out of it,
This is disappointing.

I am disappointed.

Tell me what you wanna know,
Lan

I can't fake, we're on top

2009-07-16T03:09:00.002+08:00

So it turns out that my new phone actually came with a usb cable,
Heh.

So much for waiting for me to get one and upload the vids and pics of them kittens,
My apologies.

Now now,
Here it is as I've promised.

Cassie and Brandon a.k.a Cass & Bran

Cass has this habit of "standing" while doing her business

And one of the cutest thing about them,
They always help each other out.

Vid taken on their first night stay

Them playing around

With balls

That's all for now,
I need a sleep too mind you.

What Cass and Bran needs,
Lan

2009-07-14T05:08:00.002+08:00

In the meantime before I get to upload Cass and Bran pics and vids here,
While I'm diagnosed with H1N1 and been MC-ed for a week,
I have something for all of you.

What I have for you right here,
Is a video that moved me,
Is a video that made me look at Cass and Bran sleeping under my TV set,
Unknowingly promised them I'll take good care of them,
Watch them,
As they grow into fine cats.

This,
Is a video I demand you to watch it from start to finish.

If you feel alone and you're granted permission to keep a pet,
Adopt one,

Because stray cats who are caught or sent to the SPCA,
Will be put to sleep if they're not adopted within a month or so,
And their sleep,

Is forever.

Save them,
Give them a home,
Love them as they will love you.

They know your feelings,
They know what it takes to make you feel better,

I kept them,
And I never see a mistake in my statement.

She couldn't scream while I held her close

2009-07-12T23:59:00.002+08:00

Jenny.

I guess I have to explain myself here with regards of "Jenny is a cat of mine",
But before that I would like to start with the good news first.

I've adopted two kittens,

Which I found out from someone named Kexin,
Apparently she was a member of cat welfare site which I went to,
In hopes to find a cat I can train into perfection.

And hope was kind.

A female pure white,
And male grayish-black with stripes.

Siblings that were born in the wild,
Then wrestling each other in my room right-

Oh fuck,

Both of them smelling my feet.

Heh,
Cute little pussies.

It's only 3 hours in my room,
And they kept me going "AWW AWWW" for the countless of times.

You know,
Even if one of them were to shit in the litter box,
The other will join in to "cover" them shits with the sand-thingy.

Tell me,
How fucking cute is that.

Anyway,
I took a videos and photos of them,
But I can't get them uploaded yet.

Due to because I don't have the USB cable needed for my new phone.

Yes people,
I've finally got the phone I wanted.

Which right now I'm too lazy to post another picture of it,
Just browse through some of my latest archives and you'll find them.

Now now,

Regarding Jenny,
And my comment regarding her as a feral cat.

Let me explain more about stray cats,
In case you don't know this.

There are two types of stray cats,
Feral and Semi-Feral.

Feral: Stray cats that has little to no contact with humans.
Semi-Feral: Stray cats that has contact with humans.
Non-Feral: HIDUP MANUSIA!

There you go.

Jenny is what I would class in Feral.

She spent most of her childhood in the wild,
And always been avoiding contacts with humans.

Till the foster had to "catch" it in the void deck and surrender it to us,
Telling us she's about 7 month old.

Which when I saw Jenny for the first time,
Old hag was lying.

She looks more to 1-2 years old,
If size is not reason enough,
Pay close attention to her whiskers,
Which vets use to estimate cats ages.

Other than that,
Jenny lives an anti-social life,
Avoiding contact whenever possible.

To the extent of me who lived with her for almost a week,
Can barely pat her since she's always running away from my white hand.

Her fur too is very unstable,
And I think she has flea problems due to the fact she's constantly scratching her head.

Well yeah,
We decided to return her back to the wild,
Through the foster perhaps.

Unless anyone of you would like to adopt her,
Give me a call,
Or a tag.

I got to return playing with Bran and Cassie,
So good bye everyone.

Cassie and her lovely eyes,
Lan

There ain't no motive for this crime, Jenny is a cat of mine.

2009-07-07T21:11:00.004+08:00

This is for all those who are running out of patience to hear about my new cat;
Jenny.

And when I mentioned "hear",
I really do meant "hear".

In this video,
Hear Jenny's regular meows,
See her face in true fashion,
And enjoy the way she enjoys herself to a bucket of sand.

(Anyway Jenny here is only 8 months old, but somehow bigger than 9-year old Yaya, that is why I'm still calling her a kitten, no matter how cat-ly it looks like)

Now for a little story.

I got back home at about 11 plus in the morning today,
Getting showered and proceed instantly to find Jenny (Or Bella as my sis calls it :/)

She hid under my parent's bed,
Only the eyes could be seen,
So I shone a torchlight through,

My my,

Was she beautiful.

I tried a lot of ways to get her out,
But she was just too "shy" yet with me.

So I went to my room,
On my desktop chair,

And there she came strolling in,
Meowing as if she knows I kept a bird in my pants,
But when I approached her,

There she went into hiding again,
Behind the TV set in my living room.

So I put some cat biscuits there and waited at the couch,
She ate,
And continue lying hiding there.

While I fell asleep waiting for her to get out.

Woke up only to find my dad and sis home,
Got her out of hiding.

And finally,
After hours of waiting,

We finally talked.

Best part is,
She's now available for severe molesting from me.

Oh by the way,
She's a mixed too.

Persian + Tabby.

Heh.

And my apologies to those I didn't get to speak to as I was busy,
Lan

So long to devotion, you taught me everything I know

2009-07-06T00:20:00.002+08:00

I came here holding great news,
News that will tear many hearts of my species,
Will water many eyes of my type,
Will up-the-nafsu of having what I'm going to have.

But I'll save it for the later,
With an intro for the later.

Hell what the fuck am I talking.

So uh,
After so long doing static posts in my job,
I'm finally chosen for patrolling.

In a fucking non-aircon van in a sunny day.

It only takes me an hour,
To get me wishing that I had money to go Batam and have some leg massages,

Without the extra services.

Wait,
Maybe just a little.

I
just
need
to
stay
on
topic

ohgodhelpmepls

So yes,
After one fucking tiring day at work with only 4 sticks smoked and no sleep at all for two days,
Not to forget I had only two Kopi-Os with one ineffective due to it getting cold before I got the chance to drink it,

I had news.
A great news.

News that will tear many hearts of my species,
Will water many eyes of my type,
Will up-the-nafsu of having what I'm going to have.

But I'll save it for the later,
With an intro for the lat-

I mean.

In exactly about roughly estimatedly 32 hours from now,
I'm finally getting to see,

MY OWN REAL FELINE SIDEKICK!

*does macarena + shuffle + headbangs*

That's right,

Faf and whoever else it may concerns,
You have the right to envy me now.

A siamese for my sis,

A persian for me.

A fucking Nine-months old persian with round yellow eyes and natural thick eyeliner,
Quiet nature too.

After work today,
When I was changing in the locker room with my smiley-faces boxer exposed,
I received an sms from Sis.

"Do you wanna adopt this cat?"

WHAT DID I TOLD YOU ANEH?
WHAT DID I FUCKEN TOLD YOU!

MY SMILEY FACES BOXER BRINGS GOOD LUCK!

:):):):):):):):)

I haven't seen it live yet,
But my sister will be getting it tomorrow night,
Unfortunately during my night shift.

Time will pass by too fucking slow on tomorrow's night shift I bet,
Oh how I just can't wait getting at the door step and goes like.

"UNNAMEDDDDD, IM HOMEEEE"

*chases after unnamed and lifts it up lion-king style (that baboon lifts simba infront of oh-so-many animals thingy)*
*Sings happy together - the turtles*
*Hugs it tightly and kisses all over cept for them vags*

Oh yeah I forgot,
She's a girl too like Yaya.

Who's up for some hot lesbian feline act?

Nevermind Faf,
You are free to come watch anytime hon.

Just don't touch them.

So here it is now,
The combination of two species.

Yaya ze Siamesech

Jenny? ze Persiuszee

I'm already planning,
Getting a basket,
Comb,
And whatever a feline loves.

And makes her sleep with me every night like how Yaya does with my sister.

Persian = Pillow

Damn it,
I'm too excited.

Help.

Someone fucking help me.

Now I feel like sexing the keyboard.

hafagdagfag,
Lan

Help me out I need it

2009-07-03T10:12:00.002+08:00

Good day to all the fellow readers of SLN,
Or plain visitors who came upon this page by chance,
I welcome you with open arms.

We have again come into a very important topic to talk about,
A topic that affects me and my future.

And it is related to life and death,
So please read on.

As some might already knew,
She is slowly dying as days passes,
This sickness I can't control,
I don't know if I should be sad,
Angry,
Due to some financial crisis.

But losing her in this sickness really disappoints me.

The day of mourning over her death will come sooner than I've expected,
The lines on her face,
It has already begun,
And it has reach the worst state.

So please help me out in this.

This death of my Nur 6300.

Uh I meant this,

In her,
All my memories were stored,
Happy ones,
Sad ones,
I will miss those.

But what to be done had to be done,
I had to replace her someway somehow,
And I've did my research on the other Nurs.

Nurs: Nokias
:)

I have come upon two,
That is within my budget,
And therefore,

I need YOU.

You now,
Reading this strings of phrases,

Help me out.

Nur 5320 Xpressmusic

and Nur 6220 Classic

I'm torn between these two wanna-be Lan's-next-Nur,
To make things easier for you guys,
I'll have my descriptions for both following this;

Nur 5320 binte Xpressmusic

- Attractive design of simplicity + cool blueish
- Good on music
- I just love the look
- No really, I love it

Nur 6220 binte Classic

- 5 megapixels cam (I actually do love taking pictures and videos, which could well be the advantage over Nur 5320 since it has only 2 megapixs)

- Simple too, but a little on the dull side
- I love the features
- But I only like the look
- Okay wtf

So there you go.

It's more of a style versus tech thingy,
Both are equally attractive in their own ways.

And the price difference is about 50 bucks.

To make things even easier,

I have to say I seemed to be more attracted to Nur 5320,
Due to its looks and music features.

But although 6220 is a little more pricey and dull,
Its megapixels attracts me like a girl asking me out for sex with the kangaroos all around us.

Shit.

I don't know man,

So YOU tell me.

As soon,
As possible.

Because money ain't gonna wait,
Lan

Destiny is calling me

2009-06-29T22:47:00.003+08:00

Hello everyone.

My name is Brandon Flowers,
Vocals/Synths for The Killers if you had not heard of me.

Tonight,
I voted myself to be here,
For the welcoming back of,

None other than my Mr Brightside.

("Mr Brightside" playing in background)

(Lan takes to mic off Brandon, giving him some mouthful tounge-ing, leaving that Killer's vocalist satisfied enough to leave the stage)

First things first,
My apologies for my rather emotionally-stressed entries in the recent entries,
And heartfelt thanks to all those who gave me their support through this breakdown.

I won't say I'm all fine now,
But better,

Much better.

Now to start this off,
You've probably heard of this,
And if you don't,

Congratulations,
You are stupid.

Transformers 2.

- Taken from Rinniey's

My turn.

Honestly in my opinion,
I would have preferred the first.

Sure it's more action-packed and a whole lot of new Transformers making their apperances,
But it's too rushed even for a 2 and a half hour movie.

At certain parts of the show,
You don't even understand why it happened that way,
And who the fuck died along the way.

The biggest disappointment is Megatron himself.

A leader of the Decepticons,
Been awaken and fly off from the bottom of the ocean to make a grand comeback.

Oh wait,
Did I say grand comeback?

No,
In Transformers ROTF,
Megatron is one pathetic sissy "I-forgot-how-to-fight" recycled cans put together.

But don't be saddened Tronny,
The other Decepticons were pathetic as hell too.

Took them so long to make grand appearances,
Especially that sand-sucking thingy,
But died in one or two shots after?

And that awful load of Deceptions came crashing in to give chase on Sam Wipuki,
All disappeared in an instant?

Don't get me started at the classic Decepticon who betrayed them and joined the Autobots,
So much for me going "WOW",
When the next minute he was lying on the floor breathless.

The best part,
Optimus Prime did a Megazord,
Salvaging the parts of a dead Decepticon.

Reminds me of Dragonzord and Megazord merging together.

Maybe that ain't the best part,
Who could have imagined a Decepticon taking the apperance of one hot chick in Wipuki's college?

And a metallic tail thingy coming out under her skirt?
And a tounge that reminds me of Mortal Kombat's Scorpion "get-over-here" thingy?

Alright fine,
The good part.

Humor level is better than the first,
Time spent is worth your every dollar since it's a pretty long movie,
Closed enough to being a Star Wars.

Megan Fox ass.

That's pretty much all of it.

Don't expect a good storyline,
If you gonna watch it.

Just enjoy your popcorn,
And happy having headaches to it.

Well then,
I've been reading up my old entries,
For boredom's sake.

This,
Is from my a month old entry.

Oh,
The regret.

Till next time then.

But it's just the price I paid,
Destiny is calling me,
Open up my eager eyes,

Cause I'm Mr Brightside,
Lan

Don't look back in anger

2009-06-24T05:36:00.005+08:00

This post has served it purpose.

With regards,
Lan

Pull the trigger

2009-06-23T01:51:00.004+08:00

I stood at the corridor outside,
Leaning on the parapet,
Smoking out thoughts I can't forget,
Flipping through my lyrics' notepad

A phrase was written there,
Not in my writing,
"This is about a girl",
Though you never completed it

Lyrics of "Womanizer",
When I was stressed up memorizing them in the train ride
I eventually pissed you off,
Yet you gave me a hug,
I left my stress alone and closed the book,
Letting my thoughts drift away in that warmth

Few pages more flipped,
6th June BBQ Pit,
Stating the food that we ordered,
Flip it again,
Your "I miss you" message,
Who knows that's the last while we dated

Who knows the last was a hand-shake

Throwing my cigarette butt off the parapet,
I entered my home,
Staring at the table,
The first time you came,
I remembered Twister Meal and two honey biscuits,
With your Mr Bean drink on my table.

I turned around and shook my head,
Only to see that little space beside the sofa,
Where you and I sat down and played with my cat,
Giggling like children each time she gets high.

I looked away,
Blinking my eyes out of this memories,
Looking at the sofa,
Reminiscing back when we're both singing to some songs with the microphone.

I can't stand it anymore,
Rushing to my room,
Messing my hair out of frustration,
But it'll only get worse

I stoned at the doorway,
That empty computer seat,
Where you would always be browsing through my iTunes,
Or plainly surfing the net,
With my guitar leaning onto the wall beside it,
Reminding me that it's not normal for me to learn Flyleaf's Cassie,

But I was just trying to impress you on the next phone call.

I switched off my desktop and turned behind,
Only to remember us sitting and leaning on my cupboard while teasing one another

I took another deep breath,
Taking out another cigarette on my computer desk,
And sat at my mattress as I light it up.

Remembering how we used to cuddle around on it,
Poking one another,
These distractions never ends,
Finishing my puff,
I wanted a rest,
And I lied down.

I shut my eyes as tightly as I could,
Trying to forget, trying to protect,

I can't,
It was too overwhelming

I can almost feel you just lying beside,
Waiting for me to turn and let our eyes drown into one another

I got up and grabbed another stick,
Sat on my computer chair,
And here I am,
Writing back about the previous 3 hours or so.

All of these is breaking me,
Inside out,
I can't stay on like this,

I just need to get out.

I just,

Need some rest.

No,

A lot of rest.

I should have listened to you faf,
But I was too stubborn,
Too full of myself.

I'm sorry.

Dear Nat,

I hope you'll live a life full of happiness from this day onwards,
Full of smiles and laughters.
You have shown me there's still beautiful things in life I never thought existed.
And for that,
I thank you.

Should there be another guy,
I hope he'll take good care of you,
And shows you that brightside you deserves.

As for me.

I just need a lot of rest now.

Lan

2009-06-22T08:30:00.002+08:00

Gotta love the way Alex talked to the crowd on the song break in the 2nd vid,
Check it out,
About some seconds pass 2.00.

Anyway I'm going for a detail update soon,
When I have the time.

Words are poisoned darts of pleasure,
Lan

You called for another Mayday

2009-06-19T02:07:00.003+08:00

Regarding Melfraps acoustic set at Fullerton Starbucks,
They had been some minor changes.

We will be performing at 4.30pm instead of 5.30pm,
Which also meant we are the first band to perform.

Further details are as follows.

Please come and support us,
Or should I say 3/5 of us?

Nevermind,
Show your support nonetheless.

Heh.

Dear Natalie,

From time to time,
I might read up the old entries,
The old chat logs,
The old smses,
On how fantastic life has been since the day I knew you

Who could have known that,
Just a simple chill out anywhere,
We could have so much laughter,
So much fun,
So much teasing of each other

They say good things doesn't lasts forever,
For the countless number of times,
It happened again,
Suprisingly short this time.

Things had to change,
Unknowingly all too sudden,
In a rush of good things to come,
Came the rush to end it all.

Sudden,
It was so sudden.

I'm accepting it now,
Your friends needs you more than I do,
Knowing since childhood,
I can only imagine how tight the bond has been,
You'll need them to be your everyday happiness.

Somehow,
I've failed at that,
I don't know.

You girls,
Take good care of her,
And take good care of yourself too.

Fret not,
Even if my health is taking its toll on me,

I'll still be around for you,
To sing with,
To crap with,
To gossip with,
Or simply to tease with.

And that,
For once,

Is my promise to you.

With love,
Lan

And you shake, and you bleed, while I sing my song

2009-06-18T17:32:00.002+08:00

Another MC.

The fuck is wrong with me.

Well you see,
I was coughing out blood since two nights ago,
I seldom did cough though,
But when I do,
It came out blood.

Compressed-feeling in the chest and unable to breathe,
Weird ringing feeling in my head that ends up me being giddy,

It happened quite a few times until today morning,
About 4am when I'm trying my best to sleep,

Had a smoke,

Had an asthma attack.

I can't find my inhaler puff,
It's been so long since I had an attack,

Like 2 years?

Then,
Everyone's asleep,
So I just walked out of the house and went to CGH.

They did a fucking lot of checks on me,
Although there's one that's gonna stay for a while in my mind.

A female doctor,
Handing over this tube-like thingy for asthmatic patients to blow,
There's a meter that record down how hard you can blow.

So she handed me that thingy,

"Blow for me, as hard as you can"

I would have ran out of the room in terror if the doctor's male,

Thank God.

But I still had this "WTF?" impression on my face that I tried hard to hide it.

And she mentioned about getting warded if it happened again,
At that point of time I was just feeling lucky that I didn't mention about the coughing out blood thingy.

But heads up Lan,
You're gonna have another session tonight,
And a performance on Sat.

That's the problem,
I had to smoke to keep my vocal the way I like it,
For Sat's acoustic set,
And now I'm supposed to reduce it because of some stupid asthma attack.

No way,
No way I'm telling ya.

I haven't been having my days well off,
Work,
Life,
It's not the way it has to be.

I worry too much,
I got myself stressed up at every little thing,
And I've been smoking hard to keep my thoughts controlled,
Even though sometimes I had to blurt things out.

I only wanted back myself,
Lan

We were just in time, Let me take a little more of your mind

2009-06-16T17:28:00.003+08:00

If you don't mind minus points for your current intelligence,
Have a look at what I've found;

Womanizer cover by Cosmic Elf (Who the fuck?)

Of course for those who actually mind watching such videos,
Believing that all these will pulls you out of the walkway towards becoming a degree holder.

Here's another two,
All American Rejects and Franz Ferdinand respectively.

Of course,
My favourite had to be Franz's version.

If only The Killers or Strokes are into it too.

Sigh.

So which womanizer are you?

Now coming back to some life updates.

Melfraps will be having their first ever acoustic performance,
This Saturday at Fullerton's Starbucks.

The whole thing starts from 1pm onwards,
And ours should be just about 5.30pm.

Not only can you come down to support us,
But support us by drinking Melfra- I mean, Caramel Frappucinno with us.

Yeah we eventually got our name from there,
Maybe that's the reason Starbucks wants us there.

......yeah lol.

-.-

On top of that,
Only Wan, Zhar and me are playing,
Good ol Roy finally got enlisted today morning,
And they didn't want drums,
So we had to leave Mr Hotstuff Khai out.

Also,
It's an all originals performance,
Which means I finally had the chance to showcase the first ever song I wrote,
Titled "Like You Do".

So do come and chill while listening to us with coffees all over,
You know I'll be fucking high at that kind of places.

And you Nat,
Please be there too or I'll fire my revolver at your bullseye spot on the cheek.

Oh wait,
She somehow got it covered.

*winks*

That aside,

I finally met up with aneh after like 1 week plus of hiatus,
Even though it's only for a short while,
And main reason's was to hand over the cash I owed her,

Strangely,
It got me real nervous.

So nervous that I had stomach cramps,
And can't continue my sleep after reaching home.

Here I am,
Getting ready for night shift,
With only 4 or 5 hours of sleep.

If I get an opportunity,
I'm sure to knock myself out at work.

And hon,
I'll be waiting for a day we can spend it whole,
Maybe karaoke-ing to toybox or aqua.

Heh.

I miss you.

Once again,
All the best to Roy with his "Korang tengok nanti aku da keluar camp aku da slim" project in the army.

So will he transform?

Stay tuned.

If destiny's kind I've got the rest on my mind,
Lan

2009-06-14T06:04:00.002+08:00

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment here with you

It's a beautiful Sunday, but it will be the last I'm seeing

2009-06-11T18:33:00.002+08:00

While currently waiting for my Metal Gear Online to finish patching up,
Which insanely just reached 70% after two hours of waiting,
I decided to come here.

Ah,
Back to the times I've been actively blogging.

Best part is,
I'm on MC again.

Fucking insomnia.
Sigh.

Now now,
I received a call yesterday morning,
From someone who's been with me in the gaming world during the ITE days,
When I was a friggin hardcore gamer.

I was asleep but decided to play nice and answered the call,
But no one was saying anything,
Only plain background noises somewhat.

I went online in the afternoon and asked for answers on why,
Out of randomness,
Did he dare disturb my sleep.

I got this.

And there you go,

A kitten called me.

In a place literally littered with dogs,
A kitten called me.

Must have been a call for help,
A call for me to adopt it and let my siamese do some babysitting job.

And she's ready for some breast feeding yo!

With that said,
I'm still standing by the fact that Facebook is evil.

Yet I still use em,
Putting each and every of my friends in consistent paranoia of what I may do to them.

Proof.

Heh.

And it's 99% on my Ps3 already,
So yeah,
I'm still considering if I should put up an entry about me,
Before I became a vocalist in Melfraps.

It could be a boring one,
But payday's tomorrow.

That means,

Ice Caramel Machiatto + Blogging= :D,
Lan

I love it when you call, but you never call at all

2009-06-09T21:27:00.002+08:00

As much of an easy-going person I am,
I feel as if I'm evolving in a way or another,
Or digivolve in digimon terms.

I've realised sometimes little things can irritate me,
Not to the extent of me slapping the back of the head of the irritator(hey new word!),
But just simply,

Irritated.

To those who has been noticing me,
I walk fast.

Faster than some fbt men in their 40's doing slow jog.

And when I'm walking in cramped areas,
Slow walker irritates me,

In a way that I find every gap possible for my lean body to slip through.

And because of my fast pace,
There are times someone U-turn with me behind and scares the shit of out themselves.

I don't know if it's because of me being a zombie look-alike,
But it happens quite a number of times.

Especially MRT stations when I'm turning to the stairs,
And another coming down,
Saw me,

And did the "OMG FUCK I SAW A FUCKING GHOST" expression.

It humors me,
And it irritates me.

Talking about MRT stations,
I'm still irritated by the fuckload of dick + pussyheads who cramped up onto the train doors,
Trying to rush in to get the seats when the pitiful people who's trying to get out eventually had to some Lord of the Rings rush through.

But that topic alarmed someone big,
It's as if they actually read here.

I can't really remember where,
Farrer Park maybe,
They had securities who stood in between of the yellow lines that divides incomers to let the people in the train get out as smoothly as possible.

Now to those big guys reading here,
Please send out a minimum/maximum speed rule for pedestrians too.

Hell,
I can't imagine speed limit signs in shopping malls.

Heh.

With that all said,

Nat,
I don't know what went wrong,
Even if there was a wrong in the first place.

The last conversation we had two days ago,
Was like any other one we had,
But somehow I remember you went silent,
As if I said something wrong,
But then you were laughing again.

And I remembered telling you to call me back whenever you wish to as I make my way to the toilet.

But I haven't been hearing from you since,
I tried your phone and it was switched off,
Maybe it really went haywire after it got thrown off.

I asked your close friend and she too didn't get to contact you for that two days.

Here I am,
Lethargic everyday,
Trying to hit that rewind button in my mind,
Trying to remember was there anything that happened in our last conversation.

But I can't,
Somehow I can't feel any wrong to it.

And today I managed to gather up enough guts to call your house,
You weren't around.

I don't know Nat,
You will call me for like every opportunity presented to you,
You will call me for like 2 or 3 times a day,
And now you suddenly went silent for almost 3 days,
Worse still I can't get to you at all.

I'm getting paranoid,
I worry at every second that ticks,
I kept shooting questions at myself not knowing any answer that would satisfy this hunger.

I don't know,
They don't know,

Give me a sign you're alright.

With love,
Brandon

Coming

2009-06-04T16:32:00.002+08:00

Fancy me talking about having more free time to blog when I was wasting my life in camp in the past,
Maybe I desperately need someone to sponsor me Starbucks coffee every now and then.

Sigh.

This is gonna be a short one,
Cause' I'm in a rush.

And I always blog when I am.

It's not a big deal for some,
But suprisingly related to my previous post,
I had another motherfucking roach disturbance again.

At 10 this morning,
I felt as if some girl is caressing my bare chest,
As much as I enjoyed it,
I only woke up to find a motherfucking roach on my motherfucking chest,
With no motherfucking intent on where to go next.

That was the rarest of time I actually got up straight upon opening my eyes,
Not to mention jumping and yelling out loud,

"PUKI MAK KAU SIAL"

I was barely conscious yet I managed to run to my living room,
Grabbing a can of pesticide,
And calling my ma to assist me in finding the now hidden motherfucking roach.

But it was my ma who sprayed it in the end,
What more,
She actually slammed the can on the motherfucking roach when it stubbornly refuses to fall on its back.

Since then,
I went back to bed with the highest level of paranoia mankind has ever seen.

I got back to sleep suprisingly,
Till I woke up and shits happened.

I went to my kitchen,
Saw one motherfucking roach on a plastic bag lying there motionless,
There I was so glad I can unleash barrages of pesticide on a defenseless motherfucking roach.

I did.

And it still doesn't move.

I readied my pesticide again in defensive position and lift the plastic bag up,
To see if the motherfucking roach is really dead and will slip off the bag.

It doesn't.

It still sticks there.

That was when I realised,

It's just a picture of a motherfucking roach on the plastic bag.

Fine,
You got me this time.

Be right back,
Lan

Fight Night

2009-05-26T16:14:00.002+08:00

This is a post for a man who fought with his life,
Through his fears,
Through his emotions,

To put justice into not a word,
But an action.

This is for the man who came home after work,
And almost got himself killed when he opens his cabinet for clothes.

In great credits to this man himself,
We will now shame the very thing this man risked his life for.

A motherfucking roach in a motherfucking cabinet.

If you hate roaches,

And if you love stupid random crap.

These videos below are for you.

Fuck all roaches,
Lan

And I shall bring her to my play

2009-05-18T02:49:00.002+08:00

I think I have this bad habit on doing entries when I should be sleeping,
It's about 3 hours before my morning shift in the airport starts,
But hell who cares about sleeping when you have Kopi-O almost anywhere in the world.

Now now,

Just a few days after my previous blog's entry,
Me and aneh saw something that might well show how important people has been coming,
To here,
To SLN.

Days ago we were at some MRT station that I forgot which,
I'm just a hardcore train-rider.

Anyway,

We saw what used to be the yellow lines that wants people to stand at the side,
When the door is opening.

It was replaced with red lines,
Longer,
And the arrow is much bigger.

I didn't notice it till aneh pointed it out to me.

Aneh: Eh I think someone read your blog. *pointing to the floor*
Lan: *Stares for awhile* Ahh...ahh....AHAHAHA FINALLY!

Although it's beyond hope when you're in Singapore,
Remind me to wish upon a shooting star,

That this kind of situation will cease to exist in times to come.

And everytime we gonna board a train,
I'll always insist on standing behind em lines,
But yesterday we completely forgotten about it and stand right in front of the door.

Until the train stops and a girl inside was waiting for the door to open,
I quickly jumped to the side and dragged the shocked aneh along,

Girl was smiling at us and gave us a thanks as she went out.

You know you have to do good for others to feel good and then you feel good yourself.

Heh.

Later yesterday,
We went to meet Melfraps at our usual shisha place,
I wanted to order a Kopi-O like always and called the "waiter".

Lan: Black coffee please.

Waiter: *Goes inside the shop and came back awhile later* Sorry we don't have black coffee, but got coffee with milk.

Lan: Got coffee with milk, but no black coffee? How come?

Waiter: *Shakes shoulders* Uh, don't know.

Lan: Okay do you have coffee without milk?

Waiter: Got.

Lan: Give me that then.

And the waiter came giving me a coffee with milk.

Being the nice guy I am,
I just accepted the "life is unfair" fact and gulp that coffee w milk down.

Other than that,
I finally did my shopping and used up all my pay.

To the extend aneh had to pay for some of my clothes cause my bank no longer have enough cash for em,

Thank you so much anehhh,
I'll make it up to you on my next payday.

:D

I completely forgotten about spending most of my pay on PSP and spent like nobody's business,
My unhealthy bank savings went from 150 to zero.

But none could challenge the day I got my bursary during ITE days and spent a total of 470 bucks.

Food.
Apparels.
Gadgets.

You named it,
470 in just one day.

If you think shopping with girls is bad enough,
Wait till you go shopping with me.

Even wanking 3 hours non-stop doesn't makes your knees as weak as going shopping with me.

MUAHAHAHAH.

Anyway,
All this aneh talk was due to myself calling "Honey" with some foreign accent,
And it sounded like "aneh,"
And she looks like "aneh",
And "aneh" is what we calls bangla workers in a rude way,

And I love being rude sometimes.

We really have been meeting up alot,
To the extend my Yaya got so comfortable with her,
Kept raising her back towards her wanting for some penetration activity,

Damn siamese cat,
She's a girl too mind you.

Even though aneh has always been accompanying me,
I'm still missing going out with the others.

My secondary school friends that starts to fade away when I entered NS,
And Naz no longer available to meet his friends,
Wana ze Starbucks Barista which our last meet-up was at Melfraps gig on the 25th april,
Faf my white-skinned counterpart which we only go out in MSN but we haven't been talking shits lately,
My iPod cause of my UM1 still in repairs.

And I've been missing gigs too.

I just hope for one last performance before Roy and Khai goes for NS,
So call us if there's any slot,
We'll treat you a Caramel Frappucinno for your kindness.

I'm a cina-beng cause I've been playing Dynasty Warriors alot,
Lan

When I was young and the funfair was what draws me.

2009-05-12T10:11:00.002+08:00

3 cups of kopi-o.

That's all it takes for me to unleash the latest random entry ever.

Alcohol?
Who needs alcohol when you have Kopi-O?

It doesn't comes across my religion,
It doesn't gets you all red,
It doesn't gets your head doing some Tony Hawk's 900 and vomiting on the next minute.

So who needs Alcohol when Kopi-O can make you as high as a diplodocus standing on two feet?

That's a dinosaur mind you.

And with all that crap said,
This is my gift to all mothers,
Ex-mothers,
Going-to-be mothers,
Kena-forced-to-become-mother-because-of-shooting-accident,

And mother nature.

A gift from the most respected-
Founder of randomness-due-to-caffeine,

Late Sir Leneira Rameirossapudar (1948-2000)

Who unsuprisingly gave birth to a demon.

Now now,

The gift.

*cracks it open*

*takes out a big journal book from inside*

Now I present you to the writer for today's entry,

Mr Pohkaywak Nerdsialdiani

Heyoz ma manz,

u see, ytd mornin ah, i wan 2 take train u noe, then got dis bas3rd ah,
he just cum out train and push me aside siaa,
i fux up u noe,
but den i realise ah, cus i also irritated wen i wan 2 cum out train den gt ppl blockin,
cmon la gt da yellow line fer wat rite??

for u ppl to wait at da side larrr!!!!

*backs to Lan*

Here I am,
Delivering this message to all those who are visiting this site,
This annoying attitude of typical Singaporeans who were given all the rules to follow,
Even with some multi-lingual announcer stressing out about yellow lines,

Them yellowies are drawn for a purpose,
So please kindly stand to the side when a train comes and you wanna board it,
Cause lets face it,
If you're at the train door trying to go out and a fucking lot crowding infront of ya,

Unless you're some desperate sex-addict who likes opportunities like this to molest and grind girls with the announcer voice being your club blasting music out loud,

Give them poor chaps some spaces,
And if you're the one in their shoes,
An excuse me,
Apology,
Will be good enough to clear the crowd for you to pass through.

But if you happen to stop at Bugis or City Hall,
You can try body-surfing out,

But hell make sure you keep a lookout for grannies and grandpies,
They'll fucking knock you out with their walking sticks mind you.

Of course you guys will always have your say,
But I'm more verbal than actions,
And remember this,

Patience is virtue.

Macam paham.

Heh.

On the negative side,
Browsing through my photobucket find old pics like them above,
Kinda brings back old memories.

OKAY NO MORE ENTRIES OF LOWDOWN TALKS LIKE IN MY BMT PERIOD.

err.

PERIOD.

*Quickly rush through songs in iTunes*
*Plays Franz Ferdinand's Do You Want To*

"Oh well I woke up tonight and said I
I'm gonna make somebody love me
I'm gonna make somebody love me
And now I know, now I know, now I know
I know that it's you
You're lucky, lucky
You're so lucky! "

*Self-esteem + 12*

Anyway,

I'm finally getting my own PSP today,
And no I'm planning to get the latest version,
So no modded ones.

Well at least original psp games are much cheaper than PS3's anyway,
And the only time I'm really touching the PSP when I'm at work.

I'm getting my UM1 earphones back too,
So hurray to traveling with iPod again.

You know what?

I'm living my days all fine and filled with deadly excitements.

Goodbye grayness,
Goodbye heartbreaks,

Welcome back,
Lan